I miss the easier time,
when life was blithe,
when being guarded and held was okay,
when responsibility wasn't so heavy a burden,
when adulthood was a distant future seen at night in sweet dreams,

Then I woke up,
I grew up,
These dreams became a reality, adulthood a few years away,,
Responsibility my shackle for freedom,
a little bird pushed out, still learning to fly,
When life became based on the consequence of action and second chances too few.
I miss the easier time.

And they stayed dreams
continued to be nothing
nothing but a wish
full of thinking
with no result of doing.

Back to a much simpler time
When the past has passed
past: the present is a future you had only
heard about
past: The future decided on your very back
go back go back go back
You are small you are free
Fly back
far from the future that you seek

Little girl! Little girl!
Where are you?
Little girl! Little girl!
Come back!
Little girl! Little girl!
Please.



Please. I-


I need you.
I know I left you.
But I need you back.

Once upon a time we were happy,
Maybe I was foolish then to think we were happy,
I was young and still naive.
I would never know the problems that would manifest with age
With every year that passes,
another piece chips away.
Sometimes, I'm fooled.
You scoff, but I thought we were happy.
I forgot our problems, I was blind to see the crack.
I turned away from the empty space.
You can't deny that, because you chose to ignore them.
Every year that went by,
every kiss, every hug, every conversation
We lied to ourselves.
We thought that we were happy,
we thought-
We didn't pay attention to
Our problems, our lies, our secrets, our misery.
Why do we lie?
When this time we were happy becomes a once upon a time,
can we say that it was happiness?
The heart behind the shell of our bodies
It bled.
It became so void that we couldn't see.
Now here we are you and me,
smiling like we shouldn't be.

Is there is reason you must be so manipulative,
deceptive,
backstabbing,
conniving?
Why are your cliques like gangs?
Gangs that cut down dissenters with words as lethal as a bullet.
I want no part of you.
But I swore to this lifestyle too long ago.
Young, naive and too enamored by its mirage.
Bound, stuck, shackled.
Pressured by cowardice.
I stay.
Too unsure of myself.
Too scared to look up.
My eyes ignore and stare at the floor.
Because I have two choices and the one
I choose is the one to survive.
Survive your toxic poison.
I become the person I loathe, hate.
I gossip, backstab, sneer, snicker.
The antidote to you, I'm too frightened to grasp.
Held deep within my pocket, it burns a hole.
The same hole I let it fall through.
I let you taint me .
I poisoned myself.

Yes.
I lied.
Only because I know.
Would you accept the truth?
No.

Yes.
It's bad.
Because only I know.
Would you forgive me?
No.

Because I know.
Because I hurt.
You are ignorant.
You are pain-free.

Don't make me tell you.
I'll just lie again,

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I'm scared
I'm a mess.
Can you help me? Hello?
Please! Anyone!
I-I-I can't! say no.
My throat is raw
My knuckles red
My heartbeat racing
I scream
HELP! HELP!

Hello,
I'm behind you now,
we used to be hand-in-hand.
I've been listening to your stories
but now they're getting muter

You're growing up
I'm still the same
You're looking for the future
I'm stuck in the past
You're running forward
I'm dragging myself

Your figure is disappearing,
You left me behind.
I can't see you now.
Silence.
Good Bye.

I write to give a voice to the mute, the silent, the unable.
I write to paint the leaves on a long forgotten tree.
I write to remember all that has passed.
I write for those who can’t
I write for people, with people, to people, and at people
I write for a dream, to create and mold that dream
I write to argue with the known and to question the unknown
I write to give value to things that have been cast aside
I write for the joy, and the bliss
I write for the sadness, and the pain
I write the truth
I write the lies
I write for the perpetual and the transient.
I write, I read, I write, I speak, I write
The power my words hold, the beauty my words hold,
They empower and brighten this world.
They are the weapons I hold on my palette.
I wield them to leave an imprint on a white canvas,
A canvas, yet to be infested with my candor,
This world of taint
This world that my words, make drift away
Gone is the stress, strife, and worry
replaced by a fantasy, a story, a luxury
something reality can’t get a grasp on,
something that takes it all away.
My word is art.
My word is life.
My word can.
That is why I write.

I hate you.
You push me around.
You mock me.
You say that it's only for my benefit.
Do I look alright to you?

You insult me.
To push me forward,
thinking I'll do just what you're asking for.
You say you love me.
Does love feel like this?

Does love feel, as if every single day.
I'm the one feeling guilty.
I'm the one who gets hurt.
I'm the one who has to keep trudging along,
on the sharp glass of your broken dream.

Must I walk the same ****** path that,
you so kindly laid out?
I don't care?
I keep pushing these feelings down.
Smiling, joking acting like it's normal.

You think you know me.
Do you know what I feel?
You feed me your pointy lies.
I can feel them, scratching my insides.

I bleed and slowly I unravel.

My arms flail around, my legs kick as I try,
Try to reach the surface.
As I try to get out.
I claw at the water,
doing anything I can to
propel myself out of the water.
You stand there.
Oblivious to the water,
you don't see it.
"Stop acting! It's nothing!"
My tears join the substance around me.
You don't see them either.
Can't you see it?
My voice squeaks.
You can't hear the sound of my cries.
My vocal chords muffled by water.
I sink further and further in.
You stand on the land, shaking your head,
disappointed.
Weak and tired, I stop wasting my energy.
My arms shake, trying to reach out to you.
You offer no assistance, thinking that I can just
do it myself, that I just want attention.
Instead the cold hands of darkness close my eyes,
and pull me further into its arms.
How do I get out now?

Sitting there looking at that window,
I wonder.
What do you see?
The trees of a jungle, vines hanging down.
A peaceful green sanctuary.
Exotic birds, chirping and flying through the air
in a whirlwind of panic.
The roar of an airplane passing overhead.
Screams cutting through the air like a knife.
The warm metal held tightly on your hands, fingers on
the trigger.
Looking down, at the jungle floor, you don't
even flinch.
The jungle floor, drenched in blood and the
bodes of the fallen.
Death, its stench wafted in your nose.
The image fades away,
to a bright sunny morning.
The tree branches swaying with
the soft breeze.
Your gaze shifts to the two backpacks.
Long black hair swinging back and forth.
Muted laughter ringing into
your silence.
Your grandchildren,
walking off to school.

I entrusted you with a tiny flame
to grow and to protect.
Together we grew it into a bigger one
You held it for me
So that one day I'd take
it back.
Why'd you douse it?
When it was still growing?
When I trusted you with something so important?
To me.
You ended what I believed in,
because you wanted something bigger.
I thought you'd be different.
But like every other shelter of
that little flame,
you failed.
Because you saw something more
magnificent.
You lost sight
of the beauty that you held in
your hands.
So you let
the rain fall through,
your crumbling will
and let it drip on the
growing flame.
So don't ask me for
another.
My match can't light another.

I'm a lamb dressed in a wolf's skin.
I didn't **** this wolf, I had no power to do such.
I was just there at the right time and at the right place.
I picked up the dead carcass and stripped it of its skin.
Leaving the bones and meat for something else
to find.

I wore this skin and headed to the wolves.
I was greeted and licked.
I threw at them lies,
that were accepted without suspicion.
I ran with the pack.

I made friends.
Friends who could only see my cloak of lies,
I had spun it too beautifully
That it out shined myself,
and soon I was living a lie.

My sheep parents, liked my
clever use of the wolf skin.
They asked me to run with the wolves and eat with them.
I would no longer be prey
I nodded my head.

They too were fooled by the cloak.
My hooves and frail limbs were too frail to run
such distances.
My teeth too blunt to piece the skin of another
animal.
Despite this I could have tried.

I could've tried to build up the endurance,
or sharpen my teeth.
I was living the lie I had spun.
I was lost in my lies.
My cloak had become a light that blinded me

But that blinding light became a beacon to others.
My cloak was admired.
I stood there in my wolf's skin,
pretending to smile.
That I was really living this way.

That I could really run with the wolves,
That I could really eat like the wolves,
That I was one of the pack,
That I was a wolf.
I was all but.

The sheep nagged at me.
They wanted to be the devil
that would raise me, the angel.
Instead they dragged me down,
with the duty that they piled on a back still growing,
and adding more
each time a new octave reached.

So as the wolves ran from the shaking earth
beneath our feet.
I stayed, sitting on the crumbling earth.
The sheep sat with me blindly.
Believing my cloak, they never saw me
They sat there as the crumbling earth dropped
them down into the darkness.

The black pit of my mind,
where no light could shine anymore,
where they fell until they hit
the bottom.
There, I sat waiting for them,
in the wolf skin that I ripped.