here’s a quick note
to tell you i love you
i know you hurt us
but i forgive you
here’s a quick note
to tell you i’m sorry
i’m sorry that you left us
but i hope you got where you wanted to go
i remember the night you called and said
you weren’t coming back home
home
we all have different definitions of home and i guess
ours weren’t nearly as close as i thought
i hope you found the home you were looking for
here’s a quick note
to tell you my heart has healed and i’m ready to start over
i never stopped loving you
i don’t think i ever stopped loving you
here’s a quick note
to tell you i’m here now
i’m older and wiser and i understand
i know what happened
i know what happened
here’s a quick note
to tell you i missed you

Dear Z
Oh Z, oh sweet Z
I’m supposed to be giving you advice, tell you what not to do, et cetera, et cetera
But I know the words written here
Won’t matter to you
Z, you were always such a strong minded girl
Do it your own way, don’t let anyone tell you what to do, keep pushing the boundaries if you can
You were never angry when you got grounded
Instead, a small part of you felt satisfied
Maybe it was the devil speaking, but you actually laughed when you got in trouble
I know, this is only one side of you, but I hope you gave the other sides a chance
I know how hard it is to let go of that stubborn, don’t give a **** about what people say attitude
Facade
Remember the girl you said you wanted to be?
The one who you were working on getting closer to?
She lit up rooms with the way she talked about poetry
She was so full of life
Z, be that girl, okay?
Let people get close to you, please don’t keep pushing them away
You know you need them and they’re always going to be there for you
I know it’s hard, so hard to ask for help
You’ll want to do it on your own
But Z, you know where that got you last time
So many “last times”
“next times”
How about Now?
Z,
Do you remember the nights when you got in your own head, trying to convince yourself you weren’t worth it?
Do you remember feeling so numb afterwards from reading the journal entries you wrote while sitting at the bottom of your man-made ocean of tears?
I want you to know that you’ve always been beautiful, but you’re the only one that has yet to realise that
I want you to know that you’ve got so much potential left in you
You’re always telling others
“Your fire’s only begun to burn brighter”
Z, YOUR fire’s only begun to burn brighter
Don’t stop, I hope you never stop trying to make peoples’ days better
I also hope you realise
How important you are
Dear Z
I want you to remember
Your past may have made you who you are today
I want you to remember
Your future is going to be great
Dear Z
I love who you are
Who you were
And who you have yet to be

Fruit pizza
I’m eight years old
Running around the house with a cape tied around my neck
Ingredients:
Sugar cookie dough
Strawberry cream cheese frosting
Sliced fruit of choice
My teddy bear’s name is Kate, after baby Kate from Arthur
We had to stop watching that show because my sister started acting like D.W
I told Kate everything because she was the best at keeping secrets
I didn’t realise she couldn’t talk back to me
Preheat oven to 350
Eat cookie dough because no matter what mom says, it’s not really going to **** you
Spread cookie dough evenly on a pizza pan
As the youngest of seven loud siblings of various ages, I had to learn at a young age how to be heard
I can yell with the best of them, but you would never know given my quiet tendencies today
I still haven’t completely grown up yet
In my mind, I’m still that little girl who read picture books and made up games like hurricane and the tripping machine
Let cookie cool
Wash fruit and slice it neatly
In my mind, I am still the little girl who did things because she wanted to and therefore got put in time out a lot
Spread strawberry cream cheese frosting on cookie
In my mind, I am still protected by the shelter of my parents
In my mind, Kate can still talk
Place fruit in a circular pattern on the frosted cookie
Cut into even pieces
I’m eight years old
Fruit pizza.

She's tired of living day after day in a skin that isn't hers
She feigns a smile for a little while but her eyes, they start to burn
Maybe she’ll stop trying, maybe she’ll stop crying
When will she stop lying?

She turns to the only thing that she knows will save her night
She checks into the Music Hotel, breathing in the neon lights
The bellman greets her and grabs her bags, says what’s the deal tonight?
Her eyebrows furrow as she whispers
-The days haven’t been so bright-

She goes into a room and injects notes into her arm
Music starts dancing through her veins
She closes her eyes and surrenders
-Mr. DJ I’m lost
Please play my favourite song-

He rocks her boat and sends her tumbling
Down down down down down
-Mr. DJ please don’t hurt me
I’m trying not to drown-

She’s falling asleep to Mr. DJ’s secrets
She finally feels free
Nothing hurts her anymore
-Music did this to me-

The sunrise scorches the tired earth
She wipes the sleep from her eyes
It’s time to check out of the Music Hotel
Mr. DJ, say your goodbyes

She’s weary but she’s stronger
She now knows where to go
The Music Hotel will welcome her
Any time she needs a home

rainbows are
so freaking amazing
not in a sappy literature
way but in the way of simplicity
that something so beautiful can come from something so violent it
gives me hope and hope is such a delicate thing to also come
from something so big why do i hope something more can become of me from a rainbow
excuse me, i got off track we were talking about simplicity rainbows and simplicity rainbows and simplicity rainbows and---
rainbows every time i hear that word i think hope and there's no way i can change my thinking
nor will i ever change my thinking because maybe hope from rainbows i don't know maybe hope from rainbows is better than
nothing
rainbows are pretty freaking amazing in the sappy literature way in which i have been referencing throughout the majority of this failed attempt at simplicity poem

like a phoenix
i'll rise from the ashes of
the girl i once was
i've lived
a thousand lives
and i'll live
a thousand more