I crawled through the dead spaces of old houses
Just to breathe in years old memories
Brimming with adolescent thrill and reveries
Picturesque sceneries in glass-encased eternities

Withered limbs broke apart feinting apathy
Parched and cracked, my lips bore silent screams
As I disintegrated, filling the negative space
That resides where loss and ache form dead weight

I am the calm that breaks your heart
I am the still that never departs
In a frenzied world of dead spire loves
Out of reach, out of luck, and out of touch

I became envy, firing sparks across cold skin
I became adoration, pulsing and sun-kissed
I yearned to hate
I yearned to love

Do I dare coalesce?
What will I become?
Knowing all that’s gone?
Knowing not what’s to come?

Do I dare coalesce?
What will I become?
Knowing all that’s gone
Is all I loved?

I want someone to understand
What I can't communicate
To sweep me off my feet
And hug the pain away

I want someone to calm me
More than a flash of sharp steel
To comfort me sans blood
To show me what is real

I want someone who mends me
Without the help of pain
Who undoes my ragged stitches
And rewrites my brain

I want someone who'll support me
When I'm too weak to stand
When I want to cut, steal, smoke
Itching like the addict I am

I want someone to love me
More than I hate myself
To hold me when I cry
Always ready to help

I want someone who apologizes
When they say hurtful things
Who realizes and is remorseful
When the tread on my self-esteem

I want someone who indulges me
And the paranoia I carry
When I can't even leave home
When the world is too scary

I want someone who'll see through me
When I'm wearing my fake grin
When I want to cry so badly
When the facade stretches thin

I want someone who'll listen
To the story of my life
And hold me and rock me
And put away my knife

I want someone who'll reach out
When my apathy arises
And I don't bother to keep in contact
They push past my devices

I want someone who'll see me
When I can't see through the mirror
When the image is all wrong
And I still need to be thinner

I want someone who'll watch me
Put an extra scoop on my plate
Who'll make sure I eat the food
And keep down what I ate

I want someone who'll hide me
From society's expectations
And wrap themselves around me
Block the accusations

I want someone who'll hold my hand
Who'll hold me through the night
Who'll make me feel safe and at home
Someone who'll treat me right

Sold my soul to none
Told my tale to some
Held my secrets to tame
The flame that was madly
Insane.

Felt the horror and pain
Melt to whatever brought heart
Smelt the desire of depart
With every tick of the clock in your
Time.

Read the letter of lime
Lead me to the end of the line
Said you'd be mine
For no longer than I've been
Yours.

Hi Mom,
I've been trying to tell you and I already have, but you took it as a joke and when you ask questions , you've always had this tone of disapproval if I said yes. But mom, I'm a guy. Not a tomboy girl but like an actual guy that's just stuck in the wrong skin.
I don't want to be known as a girl. I never have because it's not who I am. I'm not your daughter, or Ali or anything that has to do with being a female. I'm pretty sure you could sense I wasn't ever a girl anyways. I've always wanted to be and act liek Sean and Dad. Not how you or Grandma would act. I want to be your other son, Jamie. That's who I am. That's who your youngest kid is Mom.
I feel super awkward whenever we go shopping for clothes because I don't belong in the girls section. I want to wear mens clothes mom, mens shoes and keep my super short hair. Because I'm me whenever I get the chance to wear mens clothes and be looked at as being a boy. And in public, when people mistake me for a guy, I actually really like it because that's who I actually am.
Mom, I'll be a high schooler next year and I want to be known as Jamie. A guy. School would be a lot easier and better for me if I was known as and reffered to as a guy. Plus, I wouldn't get second guessed all the time if I were a guy. And I know you'll probably say, "No. I'm not going to call you Jamie or male pronouns and you're not going to dress like a guy." but mom, this is who I am. And I'm going to be me, no matter what.
I love you a lot mom, and I would've told you sooner or later but now I can live as me and not have to worry about being a girl. I'm still your second kid too, I just go by a different name and gender now. And to be fair, you've never really had a daughter in the first place, just a son trapped in the wrong skin and clothes. I love you and am glad I can live my life as me.

Love,  Jamie

I've been with you
Through thick an thin,
But all you do
Is cause pain within.

Never listening
To a word i say
But all you to
Is vent all day.

I try to be nice
And smile it away
But what you don't know
Is that I have something
To say.

I try not to complain
But sometimes,
It drives me insane.