I got swallowed up by solitude
Addicted to its peaceful gentle touch .
It held me in my moments
It held me ….

What if I only get to see twenty more summers and 20 more winters and the spring time feels fresher and my brow though a little weary  
Feels lighter somehow ?
What if heavens kiss comes sooner ?
Time to appreciate all the beauty
Fight against the grit and dirt
Those smiling faces I have held within hands that felt sadness when they lost their grip on reality.
What ifs bring new reasonings
What if I am immortal
What if….

Flicking through pages of a long forgotten memory
And there you are
Waiting
Waiting to be remembered
Brought back to life
If only for a moment
Those days of summer
Linger upon a dreamscape so real
Almost touchable
Fragrances of heaven linger for a while
Even when I can no longer see your face
Your soul sings me sweet lullaby’s
Such a love
Such a love
Is life …..

When you disappear from the page
And no one even notices your absence.
When your return is but a passing glance into a world you’d left waiting.
To walk alone holding your head in your hands unable to hold the weight of the world news within your understanding.
To just be
No expectations
No loss
Just breathing between the lines.

Some nights are so dark
That I can not see myself
I can not feel
I know I’m loved
But don’t know why the void inside my chest is expanding like a black hole
Life gets ****** in and through but nothing stays
There is no light
No stars to hang above my bed
In dream time I feel as though I’m falling
Another man would give in,
but I am not that man and the darkness laughs at my inability to see through this moment.
This moment and the next
This day drags and now I get no solace in sleep
For my mind is reeling
My synapses charging
My thoughts are racing
Yet I cry my tears then shrug it off again
My darkness matters to no one
No one sees me
No one hears me
I am and I feel so small
A mere particle of dust
An atom amongst atoms
I must come to realise that this silence is of my own creating
I must want this
I must need this
For the healing happens when we are stretched
When we are torn
I am opening my heart
And that’s painful
And lonely at times.

Do not slay your dragons on my doorstep then make love to them just above the gaze of heavens gates.
Do not surrender your fears and then shackle them to yourself as if your life depended upon it.
I am no fool to any man.
I laid down my heart
You cut me with your sword and my shield will protect me from your hastening attentions.
Maybe I am not broken enough to see through your gaze.
But the silence that hangs on the breeze speaks truths.
And it is only truths my ears will dwell upon.
Sweet words mean nothing if in secret you cast them to the dirt below your feet .
The darkness just merged my mind and heart together spitting violent words into a fierce furnace of powerful rage.
Love those you love.
Standing tall in your need for reflection for reflection has purpose.
Speak kindly in secret as in company it is there that you will gain the greatest rewards.

I’m grateful for this time to rest when my body , mind and spirit don’t want to work together.
Maybe they are taking a break
My body has broken from my mind , my mind from my spirit and in turn my spirit from my body .
All there is to be done is to lay down the day and submit defeat.
Hopefully tomorrow they will be rejoicing , grateful for each other once more.