Terrified

I attempt to keep myself in check

Resistance is futile

I'm falling

in spite of myself

Rain streams down my face
thunder rattles my chest

here comes the familiar storm again
growing more violent as clouds gather

it lingers; clinging to my sky
a familiar darkness

this storm broke me;
burned me to the ground

a house ignited by electric shock
shattered by the thunder and wind

the weather’s been overcast
for far too long the house a pile of rubble

have you really come back to rebuild
or simply to finish the demolition?

it starts with such innocence
the roles of nurse/mother/babysitter
always have i slipped
into far too easily

it starts with a drunk man
a hurt man
a problem child
with giant man-child problems

it starts with a text
‘can we talk I’m lonely?’
‘can we talk I’m concussed?’
‘can we talk I need comfort?’

it starts with my answer.
‘sure let us talk and walk.’
‘awe don’t go to sleep.’
‘yeah I’ll be right there.’

it starts with small talk
small talk moves inside
inside moves upstairs
upstairs moves to a bed

it starts with sleep
simple chaste sleep
back to back sleep
under separate sheets
sleep

it starts with a roll
“you’re comfortable”
"you calm me down"
wrap me in strong, gorgeous arms

it starts with arms
arms and legs and faces
all tangled up and groggy
groggy with sleep and alcohol

it starts with awake
I am now awake
man-child kissing my face
still wrapped in his arms

it starts with surrender
surrender and melting
melting into man-child
all his beautiful problems mine

it starts with passion
sculpted chest heaving
hearts racing
lips and hands groping

it starts with leaving
now sober and guilty
satisfied and exhausted
handsome still

it ends with alone

Alone.
That's what it is
I feel so alone
sitting here

Doesn't matter how nice they are
or how handsome
I just end up here
in a state of solitude
emotionally drained

a vast empty
void of anything that resembles
the gregarious, gorgeous girl
of last night

but isn't this really me?
empty
empty and alone

I want to know you.
All your ***** secrets,
Your favorite successes,
And your biggest failures.
Who do you admire?
How you sleep at night?
Your deepest thoughts...
What you look like when you wake up in the morning.
Your biggest fears?
What brings you the most joy?
I want to know you.

‘Cause 3 days
was never enough
time

I need to know you, honey
I’m thirsting to know you.
I’m starving to feel;
to understand you.
I want to taste you on my tongue,
mull you over like a fine wine,
then sip some more.
I want to get drunk on the beauty of your person
and pass out in the hazy comfort of your arms

‘Cause 3 days
was just never enough
time

every thing you say
every thing you think
intrigues me.
where did you get your scars?
how did you break your nose?
your sisters.
your father.
the flaws you talk about so much.
i want to know everything

3 days wasn’t and never will be enough.

I love the way your body fits with mine
when we’re lying side by side,
your arms wrapped around me holding me tightly

I love the way your hair looks when it’s a mess
and more so
when I’m running my fingers through it as I walk by.

I love the way you get flustered
when I tease you about other women,
defending your honor and looking mildly upset

I love all these things and many more
but mostly

I am just and simply
very fond of you.