One night is all it takes

Sweat melting back to gold like we were a couple of alchemists

We crashed our waists together so hard

That the earth spun off its axis  

And everything became instant

This was the hunt, the ****, and the feed all rolled up tightly between the bedsheets

We made love like the gods made the oceans

And the beasts and the entire ******* cosmos

I pressed my lips to your lips

Like the little red button in the president's office that puts an end to everything

Our clothes fell to the floor

Burning like bullet casings

And our bones began a war where there is no loss or peace

Only victory

And we screamed things that have never been written down in an earthly dictionary

Because we were hell rising from the basement of the world to our bedroom

Just for a moment

You and me

Catching infinity in between our breaths

I used to feel guilty for leaving you in such an ugly way

But then I remembered the ugly way that you treated me  

And the remorse faded like chalk drawings in a thunderstorm

The day after I left you I stayed in the shower for hours  

Just trying to feel clean

I scrubbed my skin red and raw and still

I felt your fingerprints burning  

There was nothing beautiful about you and I

Nothing precious or sacred

Such a filthy stain

Such an ugly shade of red

My mouth turns dry as I watch you move

I wonder what it will be like to kiss you

Your blossom-soft lips sweet on mine

Glistening with madness and uncertainty and lovesick desire

Everything is smooth and drip drip dripping

I lick the essence of you from my fingers and it tastes like honey

We are reckless and beautiful

We cut off our hair and call it a lesson in letting go

There is a cigarette slipped between your lips

And I take it out tenderly with rosebud fingertips

You look at me with tear-stained cheeks and my heart breaks a little

I can't help but think that it's too late and you've lost your way

This is why I hate the ocean

Things are always ***** and disappearing

Nothing is soft like you think it is

Nothing is safe like you wished it would be

there is a strangeness within me
i feel like i've spent my entire life
searching for people i've never met
it's like there's a hole in my chest  
where they should be
something vivid in me bleeds
my soul reaches out where my body cannot follow
and if you asked me how far i would go i would say
"until i come to the end"
i keep coming to forks in the road  
but i feel like i'm going in circles
i think i might be lost
please come and find me
i miss you, all of you

My bones no longer feel like they are made of lead

Anxious thoughts no longer ricochet off of the walls of my skull

And the sound of television static has faded

I am clear and focused

Myself in high definition

And for the first time I know where I am going

Out of all the drugs that have been through my body

I think clarity is my favorite

Two days after you left
I cried an entire ocean into existence
Because who was I without you?
One week after you left
I called you crying and you didn't answer
So I poured my tears into your voicemail box
A month after you left  
I got drunk and deleted all of our texts
Because all they did was remind me of how much I missed you
Three months after you left
I took your number out of my phone
Four months after you left
I realized that I could no longer remember the color of your eyes
Or how it felt to kiss you
I hardly think of you anymore
I have stopped waking with your name on my lips
I waited for you to come back for so long
But I am done waiting
I am giving up on you, not because I don't care
But because you don't

I am starting to realize  
That although you are beautiful
You are not the only beautiful person I will ever love
I am starting to realize  
That I miss you less every day
And breathing has come easier to me recently
I am starting to realize  
That my chest does not cave in as it once did
At the sound of your name
I am starting to realize  
That there is no point in grieving for the one page
On which my name was once written
When I have become a thousand new chapters
In my own story
I know I loved you then
Perhaps I always will
But I no longer collapse for you as I once did
And I never will again