Again strangled.
I feel,what should be life's blood,
Dripping from my neck.
Where you kissed, so easily.
Words unspoken, yet so vain.
So usurped from my meaning;
So ridiculous I should feel  like this, at my age.
My adage, my head held high, I fall at my feet.
You should call this a reckoning?
I call this, your surrender,
For you could help not but be bound by your emotions,
And you know as bountiful as they are,
I am devastatingly beautiful, by your very touch.
So very disguised by your interment,
Than your face.
It is clear however, that you are after,
Something I have worked so hard for.
I do not mask myself from you,
Though, the tape becomes opaque after your words.
You're not going nowhere my dear,
You know I have more than you to, give.
Go now,  give face to some other demon,
Who reflects your very face.

Here.
I am, again.
Happy as can be.
Lost, seems to be within my nature,
and people?
People are faces of meat that have died beneath the collar,
strangled by life,
and asphyxiated by the torment of being right, or wrong.
Walls are seeping around me,
there seems to be a change in the wind,
so i set my sails, again.
There is an essence of poison in the air,
though i know not of what it smells,
just how it looks,
and the it looks dark and heavy,
there is a storm coming, and i batten down the rigging.
Over and over again,
tossing and turning,
standing at the deck, overthrown by salty waves of disposition.
At last i arrive on a new shore,
my fingers are numb, my legs are weak,
all my possessions are lost,
and i become lost once again.
A vulture is circling the skies, and i run between the trees,
camouflage is not so good in this new world,
there are many of them, so many.
I have lost my footprints, there are no breadcrumbs here,
to lead me back home.
Home, so far from home,
there is no candle in the window for me,
there is no motif of my pictures on a wall,
so whilst i am hiding under fern leaves,
and there are many vultures, and poisonous insects are abundant,
i know there is no going back.
So here i am, left and abandoned,  by my own doing,
vultures encircling the sky, after the skin that is hanging from my bones.
And i finally find the desert,
too dry to find the water,
too wet to find the salt,
to raw to feel the wind,
and too blind to see the sun.
Surrounded by coarse grit, it becomes my food,
my bitters, my daily bread, my toothpaste.
And here i am,
on a road to nowhere,
in the middle of nowhere,
in the middle of nowhere,
with the people with skin hanging from their faces,
with their bones seen through their fingertips,
to the walls they have built,
to the ships they have sailed,
to the new land they have *****,
to the deserts they have drowned,
and here, i am.
Where is this place?

Left and looking alone at the night. Is this is? Was I right. There is nothing more left than an essence of you. There are no more bruises, no purple, yellowish hue. And there are noises in the night, I twist and turn and I lose the battle but I win the fight. I sacrifice my heart on bowed head and folded knee, because in order to let go, one has to let go of being free.

There is no more illusion. There is no more delusion. Your eyes are cast aside. You brought me here, on this crazy ride, and left me here at the edge. I yell and I scream, because either you or me will fall off this edge. You are not ok here, what you have done is not right. You are not safety to me. There is nothing inside of this that you can take and be. I am a brilliant ball of burning white sun and you are the devil whose day has come. I am firing missiles from within, they rise to the surface like a submarine in purple bruises on my skin.

Can you be so sure. No one wants you here, not anymore.

I don't care if you are the water or the groove of the stone. I want a place In your arms that feels succinctly like home. I want to be encircled like an old oak tree, with a breeze in the air that smells radiantly of you and me. I don't care if you are the tongue or the groove. I want a place within which all these walls I can remove. There is a river that cascades between us that keeps us far from home, but I don't care if you are the cancer or the broken bone. I don't care if you are the sweetest peach or the rattle of the snakes tail. All I want is for you to arise each time you fail.

I don't care of you bruise easily or become yellow from the inside out. I don't care if you walk away silently or you scream, stamp your feet and shout. I don't care if you are the water and I am the stone. I do not care if for your secrets I have to atone. I want to you to seek the hiding places I hold so tightly,  and I want you to seek them daily and nightly. I don't care if you think this is overdressed, or I show too much flesh. I want you to see how I look for you when I calmly undress. I don't care if you are the thunder in my storm. I don't care if you call this safety or if you call me home.

I don't care if you are the salt or the falling tear. I want you to know that me not caring is not what I fear. I want you to know that true love is true acceptance In it's ultimate form. I don't care to know if you're broken or you are torn. These words I asked you, but they are routine and true. I could repeat , dry my face and carry on, but I don't care to do that for you. I don't care if you are weak and strong together. I care about you whatever the whatever. I don't care if you wish to compete and you have won. I want you to know that those secrets were already awake and done.  

I don't care how many times you walk away, I care about the how many times you stay.

I don't care, because In the end nothing matters, and in here, we're all mad as hatters.

lyrics - not a usual poem*

It's time for me to go,
To a place I've never been,
It's time for me to fall in love,
With things I've never seen.

And if you should miss me,
Here's what I have to say,
Keep awake for the sunrise,
For tomorrow is another day.

It's time for me to leave,
Staying here is breaking me apart,
It's time for me to wander alone,
And find my own new start.

And if my face is lost from your mind,
Here's what I believe to be true,
My face is not important my darling,
For I am in the very heart of you.

It's time for me to put my shoes on,
And go very far away from here,
It's time to forget everything,
I once held so close and dear.

So if you should forget me, my love,
That would do just fine,
For if we were meant to be,
Love will find the time.

Honey liquor. the sweetest taste on my lips,
to fall down to the inner sanctum, and rest,
beneath my chest in a silent humming desire.
I feel your breath across my teeth, as it takes in my edges,
the curved outline of my body, plays with the candlelight,
that was so sweetly lit for this moment.
In a flash, like a 1950's photography picture,
the want, turns to rage, to abandonment of what lays before you,
I lay before you.
You breathe me in.
You take me in.
You leave my skin with goosepimples, and i am not cold.
I want to roar, but i am lost with out my mouth,
as you hold it in fearful gaze that I might just breathe,
you, in.
You following my veins from my neck to my wrists,
you count the beats of my blood, with your ears,
pinned back, with your teeth white and sharp,
feared by the candlelight, they do not move, like my body.
I writhe and sink below you,
your hand is on my wrist, and my arm is locked behind me,
I am pinned,
I am put upon,
and yet, i have nowhere to go, but my mind is running from you.
I wait for you to take me,
an indeterminate amount of time passes as i look at you,
with your eyes closed,
taking your time, with your lips pursed and your chin turned,
just so.
And i feel the liquor burn within my chest,
it drips down each breast and across my navel,
as you nip the scant flesh of my inner thighs.
It is quick, it is swift,
the breath i held is exhaled through an open mouth,
a silent howl in a wood-less room,
and a den has been made.
I am not here anymore,
I am within you, as you are within me.
I am breathe, as you are the air.
There is suffocation as i come too quickly and i can't control my mouth;
It utters words in religious overtones;
'Let this be my Sanctum, OH, MY GOD'.
I am fixated by the sight of you,
my body breaks into a millions pieces and dances through the languid,
heaving sweat of the dormant room;
I watch my fingertips pass me by,
I can no longer see your face,
You have braced me for the final *******,
The Ultimate Fix.
And my legs crumple as quickly as your body does.
You are silent in your respite in having me,
there is no tangible evidence of love having taken place.
And sweet honey liquor burns at the back of my throat,
as i exhale and howl to the room, the air, the woods;
for in the space between the light there lies within some air.
To love a wolf, one must have to fight,
to love a wolf, one must have to forsake all,
and be reborn anew and to cry.
For to love you, you have to take me.
And i will drink the sweet liquor,
and retreat to the sanctum within, with a smile on my face,
a burning in my chest, and a tear in my eye.
For to love a wolf, one must be willing to die.

A thousand times my dear,
a thousand times.
A definite thousand times a thousand times,
to the moon and back,
to love.
And a thousand times, my darling, my darling,
a thousand times, i would say,
that i love you, forever, and always,
to the moon and back,
I love.
A million times removed my love,
a million times,
a million times, removed, my love,
from the stars, each one, and back,
my love is removed.
A thousand times, my sweet,
a thousand times my sweet, sweet love,
a thousand times, my love,
my love has been destroyed,
my love, been destroyed.
A hundred times, countless, my heart,
a hundred times i counted, my heart,
my heart, a thousand times,
you have been broken,
my heart, from love.
My count has lost numbers,
my dear,
my darling,
my love,
My Heart,
a loss of numbers, i have,
in the making of my heart,
in the making of my sweet love,
to my darling,
in the giving of my daring love,
to my dear,
I have lost.