Dear John,
There are things about my life,
that are not understood,
not by me,
not by anyone.
It's the emergency room on a tsumani night,
It's the silent room after surgery failed,
It's the silence in the dark after everyone has gone to bed.
It is not the calm after the storm,
It is the wreckage in the aftermath,
It is the middle of the tornado.
I am the bandit on the highway of love,
I am the runaway bride from hell,
I am the scared, the fear, the innocent child.
Dear John,
I am the carer in the giver,
and I want to give you all i can give,
I want to give you all that life can give,
But i need to give myself air to breathe,
like a fine red wine,
that i would down like it was moonshine.
Dear John,
I am the old oak tree faltering in the breeze,
I am the wheat sheaf, tall and ready to be cut down,
I am the end of the beginning.
But i feel you and it feels me,
and i am so involved but so distant,
I am blue and i am black,
but yet i am bright and i am shiny.
Dear John,
Please be the ***** socks on my bedroom floor,
Please be the voice that tells me to stop using the hot water,
Please be the cup that doth runneth over.
This and that, this and that, this and that.
Dear John,
be the moisturizer on my skin,
be the sublime and the settled,
be the heaven and show me the light there.
I wish i could peel off my skin,
and let you all in,
and see the beauty beneath and my wonderous treasures within.
Dear John,
don't give up,
I am here,
though i am not.

Taken by my hand,
warped and aged with time,
rings and rings of life, ingrained beneath my skin,
you hold me with ease,
and, I unravel with gravity, falling apart.
I bend and lean with the wind,
a slight breeze from you,
is enough to shake me from the ground,
to the sky,
and everything is naked,
and everything is the truth,
and i stand here, before you,
as you hold an axe in your hands.
Ready to fell me,
and take me apart.
My roots are old,
my heart is protected with years of warped timber,
my heart is protected as peach pit,
my heart is protected with poison ivy.
Yet in the spring i blossom,
In the summer i shine bright as the very sun,
And in the autumn i renew myself,
ready to ride the winter's harsh code.
You take me within your grasp,
I am a cold wind,
I am a summers breeze;
I am the very essence of life within you,
within me.
As you come to me, and take me,
And take me apart,
I am ready to go,
I am ready to be burnt by the fire,
and become the earth again.
So come at me,
but be warned I stand tall,
and built strong,
but beneath the outer layers,
I am truly a phenomenal piece of work,
given from the universe,
to you.
Bring your axe,
Bring your rough hands,
Bring your words.
I am rejuvenated by you.

Thinking, In the meaning
Of things,
There is no meaning. Just being.
There are no answers,
Just, actualitys.

Within me,
I feel the dark sense of judgment in your eyes,
I can imagine your skin, tight and swept,
my favourite place, your jawline and curve of your shoulder to the chest,
the skin on your shoulders slightly wet with sweet sweat,
a prefect mix of beguile and guise.
And i know there is a demon to be unleashed,
from your throat and mouth.
I can sense in my *****, that you are overcome with an inner hell,
that only i can see,
without you even being here.
It's ok,
take me to your room,
tell me to undress slowly for you,
with your eyes drinking in slowly,
my delicate form, ready to be devoured.
Grab me by my throat,
pin me against the wall,
put your cheek against my neck,
and smell my longing.
Let me feel your pulse in your fingers as it holds my breathe,
I can feel your rage, your spit and your sweat.
**** me up a little, baby,
make me see heaven in a new light,
let me see that demon unleashed.
I can see your eyes, though they do not see me,
I am thankful in your good graces, to be in your hands.
Lead me to my knees, to kneel before your majestic form,
My man, my saviour, my light, my life's breath.
You can take me,
You can have me,
**** me a little, baby,
take your demon and give it to me,
Let me **** it out of you,
Let me take it within me,
Let me feel you deep inside of me.
Glistening with glorious sweat of luxury and finally,
mind-altering, freedom.
I smile.
Perfection in pulse, form, and feel.
Feeling your marks on me, your poison takes it grip,
I am exalted, I am life, I am awake, I am the tip of the iceberg.
Your eyes, without seeing, release me from your grip;
We're in a whole new world of trouble, baby,
and we're in the safest place we could ever be.
**** me up a little, baby.
So i can see, the look of love, in your beautiful, eyes.

I think sometimes you are not there,
not where i need you to be.
Oh you,
you that i love without judgement or logical thinking,
you that i love with judgement and logical thinking.
You that i love,
with the face that you have between the night and the stars,
between the day and the sun,
my activism between the sheets and the words i write,
is blind and unforgiving.
Maybe i am going about this all wrong,
maybe there is something in the nothing of you,
in the everything of you between me the air and the oxygen and the exhale.
I breathe, something of you,
even though i think you are not there.
Within me you are, without me you are not,
My love,
my blood, inside races with a beat so strong not even a runaway train,
would survive the car crash of our mangled hearts.
Oh you,
I would like you to find me, in your thoughts,
in your air,
in your nothingness, without me,
not being there.
Are you there?

Words are hard to come by, when i think of you.
Many a time has passed between us and then,
and never will i forget your face growing up,
into something we wish we could forget.
And you are the things i wish i could be,
you are the things i wish the sky would open up for and rain down upon,
everything you've ever wanted.
I know your fears, i know your loves, i know,
You.
You, the woman, who grew from a child into you.
You are the person who was with me in those bad times,
You are the woman I am so proud of;
that i could spill tears of joy for who you have become.
You followed your dreams and raised a beautiful, amazing, magnificent son.
And You, who had to endure such hardship,
should know,
you are never alone with this.
There is me.
You are diamond clad being, you have fought fear, and it too has passed.
You are a warrior in this thing we call life,
and nothing will fathom you out,
because that is what we do, we do, we do.
You must know, i understand, I really do.
It was not your fault, and you did the best out of everyone i know,
You are now and always was a shining star,
ready to burst into the night sky.
It was not always there, but it was waiting until it was dark,
at the darkest of times, there was the moment that,
you were ready for.
You make me so proud, did i say that again.
Hang on, let me write down, with my pen, again and again.
We are who we are, and would never change the world for who you have become;
anyone would be lucky to be with you,
and anyone who should be lucky enough to love you,
should be the only one.
You are worth more to me than the grains of sand on the beach,
the species of plants in the amazon,
the words i have ever wrote in vain of finding myself,
and yes,
more than the stars in the sky.
And never ever, ever, doubt yourself, or wonder why,
You were meant to be amazing,
and you fought for it, like a true warrior spirit,
and i love you,
oh god do i love you,
for who you are,
not who we were,
but how we became who we are in this moment.
My darling, never give yourself up,
for something that is less than you think you are worthy of,
because to me,
you deserve the moon, the stars, the sea, the clouds and the world.
My grown up, beautiful, talented, amazing big sister,
my safety cushion, and my girl.

There is a boy i know,
inside the body of a man.
A Great Man.
A Man that has know the follies and endearment of love, dishonestly, mistrust and pain.
And this Man is a Knight.
He is not in shining armour.
He has been beaten many times in his quest, for love.
This man is my past, my present and my future.
He is the twin i never had.
We are so identical that our quests are forged from the same steel.
Alike in both identity, valour and honour,
we feel, every instrument against our chest.
And beneath the very skin of our shirts,
beats the same rhythm, the same beat to the same drum;
we are love, and love we do become.
He is my saviour, my leige, my mission and my lifes work.
He is without any shadow of a doubt my conscious worry, and my passionate war;
You, who i write this for, are my akin to my baby, my constant, my blood.
You are, by far, the best man i have ever met,
not a day goes by, that i wish i had done something more,
to help you,
in your growing up,
and your strife in love, your life and future thoughts.
You are a man, now, my boy.
You are always here, in between my ribcage, underneath my armour,
beneath my beat.
You make me proud to even be by your side,
and nothing with change that,
nothing,
no job, no woman, not decision or choice,
nothing.
Do not forget, you are not alone in these battles,
we are together, as one,
and i will stand my ground for you til the days end,
and the sun rises again.