It's hard to describe how I feel;
Feelings get too much,
My head is bound and sensitive to your touch.
I am chaos in a tea-cup,
the wreckage before the storm,
and the siren before the tsunami.
Constant pain, blinds my vision,
My reality,
and I can't help it if,
You don't understand me.
Believe me, it's not e-a-sy.
I am not harmful,
But I leave a quake in the earth,
the math in the after,
the torn in the apart,
Do you think this is easy for my heart?
Chronically in pain,
I do not adjust well to others,
I become shy in the fold,
the awakening in the rude,
the disgruntled in the few,
the impatient in the *****,
the erratic in the words,
the misunderstood in the gesture,
Do you you not see I am confused and unsure?
I'm intelligent enough to know this,
chronically broken apart,
I built myself back together,
the donkey in the *******,
the rough in the diamond,
the sand in the cement,
the best in the very,
the for in the ever,
Do you not think I am at the end of my tether?  
So chronic,
that in judgement you fail to understand,
that as many times as I have been broken,
I rebuilt myself by my own hand.
And as strong and weak as I am,
As tough as I am soft,
I offer my hand and I ask for your love.

Let go, of the chains that bind you.
Push them in to an overflowing box,
Tie it up with chains,
Lose the keys to the locks.
Take Rejection,
and ***** it tightly in to a ball,
throw it out over the touchdown line,
watch it fly in to space,
like a message in a bottle,
it's a feeling to let go and erase.
Take Fear,
and coax it out in to the sun,
tell it to 'stop now' and 'go no further'.
Take it's hand and place it over your heart.
Make a stand,
bid it farewell,
'dear friend, go to a new land'.
Take Emptiness,
dig it out from the hole,
that lies just beneath your breast,
claw it out with your fingers,
collect in that vest you keep of your ex,
throw it in to the air,
take all the fake glitter and ash,
and say out loud,
'this too shall pass'.
Now please,
Take Your Heart.
Hold it like your newborn child,
coddle it like any new parent would,
hug it so very tight,
to heal the cracks and fissures,
like any new parent would.
And believe, now it's unbound and free,
that this heart is beating,
and say out loud,
'this heart is beating for ME'.
Break these binds and I promise you,
as your heart beats hard and red,
You will become you,
and lie more easily in your bed.


Much love **

I have a thirst for, you.
I cannot seem to find the quench,
In the sweet delicious drip of your words,
From your mind to your fingers,
to my eyes to my insides.
There is so much to taste,
And, still, I want more.
Leaving me alive and famished,
You are the one,
I cannot drink enough of.
They say you cannot live without water,
Thus,
I cannot live, without you.

I would not want, to die,
without seeing the breath escape your lungs as you sleep like a child,
after a hard days work.
I would not want to leave this world,
without firstly seeing your eyes as they take in the  beauty you perceive in the majesty,
of your work.
I would not want to exhale my last breath,
without feeling the ever so delicate parts of your skin that keep your body together,
the one which takes my breath away.
I would not want to believe in my last moments,
that i had missed the exalted taste of your lips in a moment of passion,
for me, just as i am, as you see me.
I would not want to die.
Without first seeing your tears escape their boxes and forage their way out of your mind,
whilst you let me hold you, and catch them on my skin.
I would not want to see the light,
because i have guaranteed that i have seen this in you,
a candle in the window to light the way home.
I would not want to close my eyes for the last time,
in case they forgot the very memory of your face, and mine,
as we made ourselves in to the day and night of the world.
I would not let my body surrender to the dark,
without letting you know i had already surrendered to you,
body, mind and soul.
I would not let them take me away,
without knowing that the hand i had to hold, held me in a way,
that protected me without even wielding a sword.
I would not want to die,
without seeing you write better than you speak,
in legible handwritten desires of love and questions of life, and remarks of beauty.
I want not want to go into that place,
without knowing what the world i have lived in, was with you at my side,
and together we made a life of glory out of suffering and pain.
I would not want to go to that place,
because heaven wherever, or what that is, is right here,
with you in my mind, darling, and i cannot believe there is anything,
such a place anywhere else in mind, description or form,
because if i should die,
i would know that heaven already exists,
in you.
Then i would, go,
because i have known that all that life had to give me,
was given,
in sheer force, power, mystery, majesty and beauty,
by you,
lying there with your eyes closed, and breathing as if,
it was heaven you were already in.
My darling if i should die,
know this,
you were the one thing that kept me alive,
through all these things we call 'times',
and without knowing it,
you gave life to death.

I skip you in a beat,
I skip you in my feet.

I find you found where you are found lost,
I am found with you because, because.....

I leave the lights on for you, when you're not home,
when you're out chewing on some juicy marrow bone.

I can't remember the last time i had a real smile.
I lost it somewhere back in 2007.
It hitched a ride on the back of someone's fist and was gone for good,
ran out on me, like a linebacker for the pro's.
I have a smile, i made.
I found some superglue, and some matchsticks, and held it together with my eyes.
I used it to describe the way i wanted people to see me.
It was like a stretched piece of gauze,
because the original scars still cracked through,
and i didn't want people to see,
the real me.
I carry this smile with me everywhere i go,
It's only for public use,
at other times, i hide it away in the kitchen drawer,
with the bills, and important letters,
that i will deal with,
one day.
I sometimes wonder what happened to that smile.
Is it coming  back?
Is it taking a holiday?
Is it teaching me a lesson?
Is it fighting through the hard times to get to me, desperately?
Is it waiting until it is, well deserved?
But still, i guess, i will keep the glue,
as this one seems to be working,
and no-one seems to notice,
the difference.
And i appreciate that its not easy to be a faker,
but at least when you get so good,
you don't really remember who you really are.
And that's really ok,
because no-one needs to find that out anyways,
when you become what you believe,
and find it really does come true.

She wears feathers in her hair, so when the wind blows, her mind flys with the breeze,
She wears red lipstick to rub off the kisses she believes aren't meant to stay.
She wakes up each morning to realise the world is still here for one day more,
so she cuts parts of herself to make herself fade away.

Pick me bunches of lavender so that we may go to sleep,
but don't buy me tissues, so i don't have a choice to weep.

She looks past the mirror and sees a image of a different girl that doesn't exist,
and every-time she reads their lips they speak words that come out with a view to ****.
Perfect she speaks and moves when she is outdoors and in a crowd,
but at home she is silent for there lies a fear that a single word will break her still.

Pick me bunches of daisies so that we may feel the grass,
but don't write my story as memories as they are not meant to last

She sleeps openly for nothing, for she does not believe in true love or its fairytale,
she takes affection coldly and wonders why she abundantly sits alone.
Yet in the darkness of being held in someones arms and not seeing the day,
she's a seeker of harsh words so she may run and run away on her own.

Let me watch you work so we can see the beauty you manifest in the air,
but don't tell me you love me because you know i won't care.

There you are, come see me, there you are, come be by my side.