I said I was okay,
                and another person was deceived.

Maybe I'm in love with you
Or maybe I'm just confused
But figuring it out would be dangerous
For I've got so much to lose

I'd rip my heart from my chest for you
But you would only bury it
My love's a load I have to lug
But I can hardly carry it

I'd fall apart if you touched me
I'll fall apart if you don't
It's time that I got over this
But I know I can't and won't

Maybe I'm in love with you
But you don't love me back
Falling head over heels for you
Is one long anxiety attack

Is it wrong for me to want to leave? Is it wrong for me to want to go to a technical college and get away from my family? To live in the dorms and study to become a video game designer? To become something I want? I live in a small town that is definitely not like the cities. It's slow and quiet here. However, I know that my desired profession requires me to get out of here, to leave. So instead of being an idiot, I'm planning on building independence. However, my family thinks it's stupid, why go to a technical college when I'm good where I'm at? Or at least that's what they say. I hate that no matter how many times I try, they want me to be something that I'm not. I can't deal with the stress of medical life, I know that I have no patience, I prefer to do something that I'm told, I don't have the smooth cunning of a lawyer or the nerves of steel like a police officer or marine. I love video games. I want to learn it and produce my own creative ideas. I have so many of them, they could even be bestsellers. I'm a procrastinator but if it's something that I'm interested in, I believe that I can finish it way before deadlines. I'm not one to go for the money. Frankly, I believe that if you're happy and you're always struggling, then you don't need anything else. I know it's a stupid fantasy to some but I want to live out my dreams. I told my family and all they do is look at me and say it's stupid. "Why don't you be a dentist?" "Be a doctor", "money is the important thing in life". I hate that. They are just trying to use me, I believe. It's always been that way. They only want to live off of my success, they never cared about my happiness. I know that nowadays it's different. I blame the government. I'm sorry but congress is borrowing too much money, our US dollar is devaluing and debt is growing. The world already knows this. We're being laughed at as we speak. I just want to live out a dream though. I want to be happy. So is it wrong to be happy? Is it even wrong to be me?

It wouldve been easy
Quick
Done
But I couldnt bring myself to do it
Not when its not only my emotions at stake

they want to strip me of my selfhood
They want me to talk like them,
write like them and even snore like them

It may be the norm for some folks,
no disrespect but not me
I cannot accept the script they wrote for me
I write my own story and despite what they
may think of me; I owe them no apology

And whether they like it or not,
I will still be like this tomorrow
and if I die, at least I have given them
something peculiar to remember me with

© Matthias Pantaleon