My heart was unoccupied
My soul long since died
I thought I would always feel bare
Until you were there

Your hand in mine
The feeling is simply sublime
Your touch covers my face
As all of my problems erase

Your eyes are the most beautiful things I have seen
This love I had not foreseen
My dear, you are all that I crave
I will love you until we are in the grave

Your love is sweeter than anything I’ve ever seen
I would see it even if I were blind
You make my heart feel serene
You and I are forever interwined
Your love is better than anything I’ve ever known
I see my future when I look at you
Oh, how our love has grown
I will love you until my life is through
I will love you until our bones are underground
Our ghosts will love each other
I think our souls are bound
I cannot love another

I am tired of being paranoid to stay alive
The paranoia is like a cell
My thoughts buzz like a hive
I am trapped in my own hell
Depression is the bolt on the door
Nightmares are the guard
Beating me until I am crying on the floor
Until my soul is scarred
My anxiety is the shackles on my wrists
Cutting into my skin
Why does it hurt to exist
But there are sprinkles of hope within
My will struggles to prevail
I keep trying to make progress
Eventually the pain will look small in scale
Eventually there will be happiness in excess

Hope is like a fire that burns
It does not matter what pain has flooded your fire
how you’ve failed to add tinder
If people have tried to smolder it
If you have tried to let it burn or put it out
If it has burned your hands
The Fire will return. It may be a small candle that is barely flickering in the wind
it may be a campfire lighting up the night
It may be a forest fire burning down everything to start again.
there are eyes in hurricanes and breaks in the rain. pain fades and burns heal. No matter what happens, you have lived to see another day
The fire will reappear but you will not see it if you have your eyes closed.
You cannot see anything through a blindfold of despair.
You have to remove the blindfold to see the hope. You may see a candle or a campfire or a forest burning to the ground. Any fire is light in the darkness. Any amount of Hope is progress. So remove your blindfold and search for the fire. Light it with sticks you have scrounged from the ground. Burn your clothes if you have to and lie **** on the ground. Make the fire return even if you get burnt.

Some things are better off dead
Buried in the ground
The memories stuck in my head
Spiraling around and around

My soul sits in its tomb
My hopes are the coffin it lies in
My inner child is the surrounding gloom
My dreams are the flowers lying on the stone

My trauma make up the walls that surround
My pain is the drawings underground
My soul was buried with the shackles that bind me
I had to bury it all so it would let me breathe

You have to stop looking behind to look ahead
That’s why some things are better off dead

Sharks have to move to breathe
Sometimes I feel as though I am the same
If I stop moving I will suffocate
Relaxation feels like a pillow smothering my face

If I stop running they will catch me
All the pain I’ve spilt
My shame
My guilt

All combined into a lurking monster
Chasing me through the forest
I want to pause
But I can feel the monsters claws

My lungs start to ache
The tears stream down my face
I cannot brake
I cannot lose this race

The flow is knives

Chronic pain is an endless loop
Like Sisyphus and the stone
Pushing to be able to do regular tasks
And the pain as the boulder rolling back down over and over

Go with the flow they say
As if the flow isn’t knives
The water burning my skin
The fish eating my soul

Don’t focus on the pain
The pain is all I can think of as I lie on the floor waiting for it to pass
As I am unable to get up due to the agony
As I have to ask for help again and again

I do not like asking for help
I do not like doctors
I do not like hospitals
I do not like admitting defeat

But yoga is not going to fix the pain in my bones
Water is not going to fix the feeling that my skin is burning
Eating more veggies is not going to fix the exhaustion
Exercising is not going to fix the grief over who I used to be

People do not understand the amount of grief that accompanies chronic pain
Grief over who I was
Grief over who I will never become
Grief over what I am unable to do

The fight that you will inevitably lose
The feeling of just getting sick and never getting better