as I am sitting in class
ignoring my teacher
pretending to do my work
I notice
80 percent of my class is white
90 percent is male
no wonder
when my teacher asks us
to choose sides
during certain topics
I am often alone
in my opinions

all I wanted
was to try on dresses
for prom
but the old man
whose eyes were constantly on my breast
made me pack my things
and leave hours early

all I wanted
was to study for my test
but the senior in my class
couldn't take no for an answer
even after I said it
50 times

all I wanted
was to wear a tank top
in the 90 degrees weather
but my mother handed me a shawl
because to her
i looked like a *****

all I wanted
was to find my favorite candy
grab a soda
and go
I didn't want to feel the hand brush
my ****
as a man squeezed by
in the spacious
empty
aisle

all I wanted
was for you to love me
or at least like me
but after fnding out
I wasn't going to hang out with you
alone
you decided
to talk to serena
instead

all I wanted
was to wear shorts
but I won't
I don't want anyone to think
im asking for it
I don't want the stares
so I put on jeans
and sweat it out

!!TRIGGER WARNING!!!!

I think it's stupid
to say suicide is selfish
I know there are much more fancy words
i could've said
but in reality
its
stupid
to tell a person
who hated themselves
a person
who felt the world would be better
if they were a gone
a person
who looked in the mirror
and decided maybe
things would be better
for everyone
if they were dead
how can you look at
such a broken person
and call them selfish?
how can you tell them
their ultimate sacrifice
is selfish
their way of thinking
their actions
maybe
misguided
untrue
wrong
but never
was their choice to try and take their own life
selfish

I will never write a love poem
never tell you about
bright summer days
or warm cups of cocoa
there are millions of those
you could find them
if you really wanted to
I want my poetry to make you uncomfortable
I want it to make you think
we have an incredible ability
to look away
from what we don't want to see
but if you read my poetry
I will make you look
I will force your eyes open
and make you stare
at the ugly thing
maybe after your forced
to acknowledge it
you'll actually do something about it

at the age of 10, I was a 25-year-old woman
life is funny in that way
sometimes you have to grow up fast
sometimes a lifetime of experience and stress
is crammed down your throat
before you even learn geometry
I used to look at the other kids
as they traded their pokemon cards
and showed off their silly bands
and I wondered
how is it fair
that they get to drift through childhood
like a dream
when my own
was so violently
ripped away from me

there is a fire in my chest at the moment
it's my anger as it flares up
burning away any love I have for you
the smoke from the fire
wafts out of my mouth
along with the hateful words, I spit
you try to calm me
you try to douse the fire with freezing cold water
but my fire isn't that simple
it's electric
bright and full of passion
water cannot put it out
I have a feeling it'll burn forever
or maybe itll turn to ash with me
on my last day