in acting today
my teacher said
the more space you take up
the more confident you seem
the more attention you gain
while other kids broadened their shoulders
stretched out their feet
and put their hands on their hips
I shrank into my self
attention is not wanted by everyone you know!

sometimes I feel
as if the fountain of ideas
has run dry
like every poem, movie, book, song
is in one way or another
the same as another one
is it possible?
have we reached our peak?
will there ever be anything new?
fresh?
even this poem I am writing now
is it just recycled material?

I don't write
love poems about
sunshine
rainbows
unicorns
strawberry scented marker
there's too many
of those
I write
what I think nobody wants to hear
I write other peoples
struggles
fears
pain
heartaches
because I'm not really a poet
im more of a
collector

I ate eggs and toast for breakfast
no butter
no salt
no jam
no jelly
not because I want to
but because I have to

I worked out for 2 hours straight
crunches
lunges
sit ups
squats
I only had one meal today
so dizzy but I keep going
no, because I want to
but because I have to

I wore a crop top
filled my face with makeup
but in my earring
and curled my hair
time to go out with my friends
I'm tired
my body hurts
but I still go
not because I want to
but because I have to

there are rumors being spread about me
they say
I'm a *****
a liar
a fake
they call me
ugly
stupid
f
a
t
I defend myself
helplessly
not because I want to
but because I have to

I'm sad
I'm angry
no one cares
they hate
me
wasted time
wasted life
**** yourself
they say
I've done what they told me too so far
so why stop now
so I stepped in front of the car
not because I wanted to
but because i had to

I ate them as a child
7
Dunking them in water
Because they were too spicy to swallow
Almost like burning coals
Still, I ate them because you did

I ate them in middle school
13
As we passed the bag back and forth
Between us during math
Knowing if caught
It would be goodbye
To the bag, we both chipped in to buy

I ate them freshman year
Our first football game
While you stared at the cheerleader
In the skirt and high ponytail
Later on, you´d show me the texts
And I would pretend
Not to care too much

I ate them just a year ago
Sitting at my table doing homework
Watching the new
Your car was suddenly on screen
I knew before the reporter even said it
You were dead

I eat them now
As I type a poem about you
You hated poetry
How ironic
As I reach for another
I could've sworn
I felt your hand
Bump against mine

I'm tired of
candy
Sweet and ****
Crushed hearts
Chocolate roses
Sweet Tarts
I'm tired of
I love you
Dreams don't come true
You think you're sly
Do all men lie?
I'm tired of
Broken windows
Mine and yours
Matching robes
His and hers
I'm sick of
Honey, sweet pea
It's not you, it's me
Please don't go
Honey is for bees
I'm tired of
Broken dreams
Shattered hearts
Empty beds
Hope went too far