i cant tell
if you
actually
have power over me,
or if i allow you too.
sure right now,
you have at least a little,
but in 1 year? 2?
ill be 16
ill already have
a
foot
out
the
door.
but,
of course
"thats fine by you".
you beg and plead
"dont pull away."
sadly,
daddy,
im not pulling as
much as you are
pushing
im ready to walk away-
mentally-
will i be ready to defy you in a year.
will i have the courage?

A year ago on this day, I got out of the mental hospital.

how can anyone love me when im so flawed and i cant even love myself?

This is not to say that i don't still look at peoples wrists or that i finally know why i'm here
its not to say that i like that you have scars on your wrists but that i find comfort in knowing that you won't judge me because you understand what it feels like to be attacked by your thoughts and have them wreak havoc on parts of you that only come out when the moon does and how sometimes you lie to your friends because you know they care but you tell yourself they don't
because it makes you feel better without feeling too good
in the sense that you know sadness is an addictive trait and you know better than to let it consume you but you let it anyway because it makes you feel more human
and this is to say i know that you wont judge me when i say even after all the warmth i still prefer the rain over the sunlight.