You were trying
To make Christmas a good thing for me again
After hating it for so long
Despising all its stupid songs
You said that you could change that

You told me December is the month of love
And I understood
As I watched the flakes fall around you
Sticking to your long lashes and hair
I understood.

We got to the root that I enjoyed Christmas songs about love.
You said that's what most were about
After all
December
Is the month of love

You told me how not to get cold
Though I'd been told how
So many times before
But I actually took the advice
And started enjoying the snow
Enjoying each path of each flake
As they fell around you


I threw away the ornaments we made for you
(One actually shattered
When I tapped them together>
I threw away our picture frames
(Surprisingly in one piece>
Too bad they were a waste of money.
I don't know what to do with the
Clay figurine I made you
Guess I'll have to give it away.
How I hate to see hard work to waste.
And I guess I don't have to worry
About buying you those numerous presents
For everyday
Of the "love" holiday
That you love so much.
Don't have to worry about making the cd
Or baking the cookies
And that card
"You put the merry
In my Christmas"
(Because you were really getting there)
Will have to eventually find its way to the trash as well

You had me going for a while there
Caught up in the "month of love"
December is none but a month of death
And you have proved this to be true
And Christmas is even more unbearable because of you
Every single song of "love"-
"Wouldn't want to spend it with any other girl"
Just makes me break down
And the snow,
Well the snow,
Just makes me think of lying down,
And freezing to death.

Tonight she sees a different kind of rage.
A color not seen before
More dangerous than she has ever known
For the rage of love
Will turn man to pure madman
No longer seeing through their own eyes, their own heart
Their vision is blood red
And it is a color she has never witnessed.

She holds up her stance against his advances
Putting her foot down where usually the line is way past drawn
For what has gotten into his head?
His actions are not coated with kindness as she used to know
Fury consumes him in a lustful fire
And his skin burns you with its touch
His burns leave more than marks upon your flesh
When you try to stand tall, he brings more
And will not stop until he has had his heart's desire
He is fire
And you are merely tall grass laid out in his path
As you try to ask what coals have fed his heart
He turns to you in unloving disgust and spits at you:
"Those simple things he did for you made your heart melt."
Like he finds it unjust, unfair
For you to have different feelings.
Love and lust and jealousy feed his rage
And the fire grows
And consumes.

You give me feelings I have never felt before
So complex no word describes them.
Only parts I can tell
Are if they're positive or negative
And my chest can hardly contain them.
Confusing, perplexing, amazing
As these feelings are
I am lost
At how to handle
They are something never seen before
Never dealt with before
I cannot relish in them
For they are almost an ache
Of something that needs to be fixed
But almost a relief
In something that is not broken

Some days
In dealing with you
I feel like I am another person
Dealing with myself
But then I cannot help
To feel other than that you are on a higher level than me

But

You ask me of times
Of measurements
I have yet to tell you
That I cannot answer these questions
For my mind has abandoned time
When it abandoned me
I cannot even grasp its concept anymore
Or give you an estimate

Because I guess I do live in the present, the now
And part of me feels ashamed for being so
Because I know you will belittle it
But part of me knows

You're wrong.

I can make it on my own
I am ok
When I am awake.
But there is sadness in my dreams
That cannot be described

Making my way back to your room
Reading your notebooks.
Missing you.
"No."
With that simple statement
Turned his gaze on mine,
Challenging.
He pointed the gun to my face

And shot 3 times.

The world caves in
And suffocates me
Nothing will ever be
How it used to be

Can't find peace
In anything I do
My heart is unhappy

I cannot find my path
I cannot find my happiness
All I know is that I want to see you
But you don't want to see me.
All I know is that I don't want to see you
But you want to see me

The world has crashed
And I am crushed underneath it.
No air.
No escape.
No relief.

I sit in quiet mourning
And mourn his broken heart
For now I know he wishes
This will be where we part
I excited him,
Enjoyed him,
Spent wonderful time
But I ran to him
Then ran from him
Left him there behind.

Neither of you
Are the love of my life
But I love you right now

Spreading my heart
Is what feels good to it right now
What feels good to my soul

But your rejection is understandable
I don't deserve your precious heart
I don't deserve.

Only his good grace and care for others
To erase my name
Prove his love to the human race
And rid of me

Would only be doing the world much better
If I were dead and gone
There is no room for my problems here
No room for my thoughts

But then again to be my fate
To be like this
To feel all of the pain
I have gained,
I deserve.

Maybe death a too good fate for me
And I will live a life of suffer
But why not put everyone at ease
And just stick me six feet under?