I wish I could explain the trembles  that run through my body and muffled screams that escape my lips when I wake from a nightmare. It always has the same storyline: you are dead.

"I swear I'm okay,  well I think I am. The blade is so close to my skin. I promise I'll feel better after I hurt myself a little. Just a little pinch. Please. Just a fast and smooth razor against my clammy, thin surface. It won't happen again. I promise. There will be no scar. Stop trying to help, I'm f--"

I swore my veins almost burst into demonic butterflies that faded into the universe.

You let me feel alive.
I'm okay.
I think.

Maybe one day I'll feel perfect

When I can put my hands on my hips and only feel bones
When my skin is as cold as stones
Then maybe I'll feel alive
But I'll just be a walking corpse

Deep, darkened, hallowed eyes
So far out the sockets, they almost burst at the sight of you
Or maybe they'd bleed when I catch you looking at someone else

Is it my sagging skin
Or my excessive waste of space
That brought her between?

I swear there was only room for you and me

you still make me tremble
even after all this time
talking to you makes me shake
i was on solid ground
and you're an earthquake
now it's just the aftershock
i honestly thought that you forgot.

"People change everyday
Wounds heal
But scars still remain in the same place"*
-Eminem

I look down
Down at those scars
Trophies, I call them
They are signs that I survived
I survived what caused them
I don't need anymore
I am satisfied with what I have
They remind me that
Nothing is worth my suffering
I keep them secret
On my thighs they hide
My quiet little Trophies

I like how you pay attention
to what I say.

i have not felt good in a long time
so i would like to rest, if that's alright
just rest until i feel better
and i want to rest alone,
because if i don't
i may be distracted or self-conscious
and i know i'm just asking
to be cold
but i thought perhaps
every few days
you could open the window
and kiss my forehead
to remind me what
warmth feels like
and that this is not
an eternal slumber.

I hated you like a scar
That stubbornly wouldn't go away.
And people stared
And people judged.

I wore you like a bruise.
You were a stray puppy
And I took you in.
And slowly, I fell in love.

I held on to you like a cast.
Clinging on for dear life
And I needed you
And I truly did love you.

You left me like a cold.
Lingered for a while
And when I got used to you,
And when I needed you,

You disappeared.