no one understands
that i can't be myself around a stranger
it takes time for me to be comfortable
and open up

no one understands
that when i say give it time
and ill be myself
i mean what i say

no one understands
that i can't control it
i can't tell myself to not be shy
my personality is weird like that

no one understands
that when they make jokes like
"you never talk"
"you're so shy ***"
i take that personally

no one understands
that i am self conscious about that
i cant help but beat myself up when i say the wrong things
or don't say anything at all

no one understands
that i am shy for a reason
God made me this way
He gave me this unique personality

I am shy
so i don't make the wrong friends
so i don't say the wrong things
so guys mess with me
because i'm too nice
God protected me
when he formed me in my mother's womb
i am forever grateful
to have a God who loves me unconditionally
i am glad i'm shy
i wouldn't be myself if i weren't

How many ships Lord?
How many ships?
How many ships are you sending?
I want to come home
I say as tears wet my lips
Lord
How many ships?

Everytime I think of you.
Everytime I think of you my skin tries to run away, and the goosebumps infect the people next to me. My stomach contents heave-** and tango to the beat of my limping heart. The tears swirl and tickle my eyelashes, but they do not fall, like I, for you.
Everytime I think of you.
Everytime I think of you I forget how to use the 26 letters of the alphabet to spell your name. The tastes of "want" and "need" ****** my tongue because you are those flavours.

Everytime I think of you.
I try to stop.
Because you turned the butterflies in my stomach into moths.

Why did you do that?

It's hard and easy to have a heart that feels so
much.
I fall in love with a snap of fingers.
I want to run outside and dance in the rain.
Get soaked to the bones.
I think I'm going to head to the park tonight.
Swing until the rhythmic patterns calm my ever shaking heart.
I'll eat toast and jam.
Write poetry.
Pray for love.
The wind is blowing outside.
It is both calling me and pushing me away.
Is that what others think I do?

it's weird that Brits say "chips" instead of "french fries",
and it's sad that your dad says "you're hopeless" instead of "I love you".
it's weird that the sun pokes up out of the ground at different times everyday,
and it's sad that it hurts more when you poke your finger than when you run the blade down your skin.
it's weird that the sun still shines when it's 3 degrees outside,
and it's sad that 3 am is filled with thoughts of agony and your pillow is stained with the salt water from your eyes.
it's weird that there's 365 days in a year but it dreads on feeling like 1,000,
and it's sad that the pills that are supposed to make you feel better for your depression only make you want to swallow 365 more to make the pain go away.
it's weird that you're forced to go to school with ignorant teenagers that have no idea what they want in life besides getting high,
and it's sad that those teenagers romanticize self harm and depression like it's beautiful to have demons in your mind eating away your sanity.