I have a friend who
I know
has feelings for me and it's ridiculous
because he's
17 and never been
kissed.
And I want to scream,
run!,
don't turn back.
Whatever it is you see in me is
false.
Stay the way you are, because it's naive and it's innocent and
I would give
anything
to be like you.

1) be more honest with others about how i feel. i have no reason to waste my time trying not to "hurt your feelings" if i need to call you out for problematic behavior.
2) be more assertive. i've spent way too much time biting my tongue. it's time to get what you want.
3) learn to say no. i am not obligated to do anything that would harm me physically, mentally, or emotionally under any circumstances.
4) get out more. spend less time in bed. don't turn down people that want to hang out and don't cancel plans just because you're depressed and fatigued. you're always pleased with the outcome of pushing yourself to get out there. remember that, but also know your limits.
5) don't act so vulnerable. smile less. speak louder. express anger when needed.
6) think with my brain, not my heart. do what i need to do. think clearly now, write about my feelings later.

There is no perfect someone waiting at the top
of the steepest peak, waiting for you
like some comic superhero in a cape
here to save you from your faults and failures.

No.

Love is looking at someone and going, "Wow, you're pretty ****** up,
but I love you regardless."
"And baby, even if you make a tremendous mistake,
I will always love you."

No dramatics, no perfection.

Just seven-hundred shades of awkward blushes
staying up 'till 4 o'clock talking about nothing
and spending hours in angst over what sweater to wear on your dates.

There is no shortcuts, no steep passes, and most importantly, no heroes
only little mistakes, slips of the tongue, and sweetness
but, if you go in expecting mountains
the disappointment will be your downfall.

So, just live with it
go to sleep, embrace your lovers, laugh at yourself
and don't dread the mountain pass
for, in the end, there is no true mountain at all.

Only the simple taste of what is to come.

Turning into an adult is somewhat reminiscent of the plague
I tried my best to stop the virus from spreading
I held onto my childhood like my life line
I desperately protected and nursed the flickering ember of youth in my soul
But even with such careful and tentative behavior
I found myself sipping on a dark roasted brew
Letting acidic bitterness of coffee burn my throat
And planning for college, my future
Planning out ways to achieve my goals
And making rational decisions like no child ever would
And as I stare at the purple hues that look like a dark watercolor painting under my eyes
I realize that I've caught the plague
This horrid plague of adulthood
I grew up too quickly
Far before any of my peers
And maybe it's because I fought it so hard that it took hold of me and infected me so mercilessly
But regardless of how or why it happened the way that it did, I am here now, exhausted and defeated, staring my fears in the face.

Monsters have to receive an invitation
Before coming inside
That's what I read in stories
But I never let you in my mind
You didn't come all at once
You came like a thief in the night
But you waited patiently
To start shutting off the lights
You manifested yourself
In comments my mother made
In that sinking feeling I felt
That cut me like a blade
Now that I think of it
You were always there
Reminding me of nights I cried
idontcareidontcareidontcare
You broke the rules
I never gave you an offering
But you didn't care
And now I'm housing all this suffering
I can't think straight
And all my walls are crumbling
It's permeable
And the rain keeps pouring
This sorrow is going to drown me
And I think I might just let it
In a place I can only hear my heart beating
Where I can't take any more hits
It's a truth I can no longer deny
As I'm swimming in this sea
I do not have depression
Depression has me