I can't breathe.
I'm panicking for no reason.
It hurts my chest when I inhale and exhale.
I try to calm down, but nothing works.
I stand up and sit back down.
But still nothing is working.
I start to pace around my room.
Then I think "You're gonna be fine."
Heart rate starts slow down.
Breathing becomes normal.
You're fine.
Then the panicking finally stops.

Stop.
He said he's not going to leave.
Which means he's not.
Stop.
Stop, lying to yourself.
He isn't like the other one.
He's not going to hurt you the other one.
He will not treat you bad.
When he says he loves you he means it.
So stop tell yourself different.

you do a good job of blocking things out.
you keep good things going through my head.
you block out the voices all around.
so thanks headphones, youre getting me through stuff.

It's not cold,
It's 57 degrees on December 14th, 2015.
I want it to be cold.
I want it to snow.
But knowing Tennessee,
It's going to snow in March.

Wondering if you miss me like I miss you.
I wonder why you left me.
Why did you leave me for her!
I miss you.
But, at the same time I don't at all.
You make me so angry!
I wish I could tell you how I feel!
But, you wouldn't care.
All you would do is smile and turn away.
I wish you knew how I felt.
But, you never will.
And that's okay.

It's a heavy shadow hanging over me.
It makes feel like I can't catch my breath.
It makes me feel like I'm drowning.
As I try to gasp for air, it only makes my chest tighter.  
It feels like a straight jacket.
It feels like all of my thoughts are laughing right back at me.
Anxiety, it's trying to win.
But, I won't let it.

I know now, that I’m growing up.

I know, because I’m scared one day I will get my heart broken.

I know, because I can’t stop thinking about the future.

I know, because I’m thinking about life outside of my childhood home.

I know, because I think about my future with some else other than family.

I know, because I’m thinking about our future.