let’s go a little bit farther
a little bit harder
let’s do things you’d never think to tell your father
your mom already hates me
but it's not approval that i'm after
not the girl you love but you simply have to have her
***** life changing
anti gun
pro finger blaster

i held the world in my hands
but i had to let her down gently

getting harder daily not to break down, cry.
this feels like such a waste of a life.
waiting for the day that i finally cross the line,
and yet it never comes. you stay. you choose me, us, every time.

so scared of losing yourself
to a future disease
you forgot about the rage inside
and your family's grief

there's a lifetime of love here
but it's getting hard to see
this thing you think you're fighting
well it's really fighting me

it neither killed me,
nor made me stronger,
it did a third thing

~

got angels and devils sitting on my shoulders, in my ears
these different parts of me— you’ve seen them through the years

i live in fragments
i'm never whole
it's not the life i thought i'd lead
at least it's never ******* dull

i lost my head
found these instead
and never felt quite like 'me' again

even when i’m alone
i’m never lonely

~

i hear the voices
from the inside out
oh stop; i recognize that look you're giving me:
"why keep it hidden from us until now?"

i don't recall much from after ten years old
let’s call that 'brain rot'
lost memories of repeat awful happenings
that i still don't know if i deserved or not (you didn’t)(x2)


the only one who ever truly knows what's going on is you

gotta have it all— you’re never satisfied
open up your mouth to speak but all i hear are lies
you can try to outrun this but there’s nowhere left to hide
wearing your defiance down, just like you did with mine


heartbreaker
manipulator
punching holes in his walls but tells you he’s your ‘savior’
makes your face his phone background then goes and breaks it later
message to those in his vicinity: YOU ARE IN ******* DANGER


do you remember? don’t try to deny it
standing by the window in your dejected silence
the day you mystifyingly transformed my No’s into willing compliance

you say i’m always in my head
that it’s like talking to the dead
wish i was someone else instead
somebody "normal"


hanging onto every word they said
the lies and rumors they used to spread


you say it’s all inside my head
that you love me but you’re in her bed
wish you were someone else instead
somebody "normal"