STINGING* twinges of bitterness,
and pale shades of hurting,
pang inside my chest;
throb within my center-most core...
I've been skinned, ripped raw,
by love's unrequited grief ~ ~ ~
I can't *NOT hear the raging voices -
those that are bellowing, screaming,
bouncing about, their echoing words;
accusations, deep inside my brain...
misery-bearing voices, incessantly asking,
asking their intrusive, probing questions,
and demanding that I see;
that I recognize the truth,
the truth behind my suffering...
(THE voices speak...)
"are you ******* stupid??? -
as well as beyond any and all hope insane???
it's forever the same!!!
an unavoidable occurrence!!!
the outcome destined to never change!!!
but somehow, this is where you've come,
the grounds upon which you've landed,
once more, yet again, despite!
thus, it is held in your own hands,
the significant bulk of the blame lies... ~ ~ ~
"your unwillingness to relinquish,
your loathsome, hoping dreams,
pleading vainly on for a change of results,
while ignoring, forcing into hiding,
how well aware you are,
deep inside of yourself,
that all that will be, shall be the same;
precisely identical,
to each of those times gone before -
exactly matching, the consequences,
eventually to arrive...
shameful, your stubborn, fierce determination,
so encumbering, powerful, so strong -
you fought, knocking down your knowledge,
and your own inner truths!
an utter foolishness -
foolish and ludicrous, the denial;
the denying of that which you should,
instead, be all too closely acquainted with...
refusal to acknowledge the power that is,
in this, contained, and ought not,
without dire repercussions,
be lightly ignored or denied ~ ~ ~
"strange, it's so vastly idiotic,
and now, the pitiful disgrace that is-
-is you; what you've allowed;
permitted yourself to become,
just for the sake of that-
-that nonsensical, ugly emotion;
the feeling which you call 'love'..."
I'D watched while, my misguided,
rebellious self, went sneaking -
crept up to the forbidden door within-
-within herself, and,
ever so quietly,
reached for the lock to unlatch,
then saw as it was freed,
swinging slowly, silently open... ~ ~ ~
this door, that I've been taught,
in a past chapter of life, years ago...,
to be a passage far better left and ignored;
one better kept shut up and locked tight ~ ~ ~
but this door, so irresistible -
...one I've forced myself to learn of,
yet repeatedly, purposefully,
have allowed myself to forget, and,
indubitably, come to be reminded of,
after a time, incessantly over and,
then over still, again and again...
I brought in pain and animosity,
and they've found a realm to reign here ~ ~ ~
how sickening, that through fault,
that it's all only mine,
and mine, alone, to conquer;
to settle this, my creation,
this that is, my current fight...
so oh yes, regretfully, but true,
I must be stupid,
stupid indeed -
- just a stupid,
stupid little girl... ~ ~ ~