Smoke has a way of
Painting hazy lines in the air
That somehow resemble your face.
And it feels like you're here.
Even when you're missing.
The smoke makes you less of a ghost
And more of a memory fondly remembered.
I wish the burn would last forever.
I wish I could look at you
For a minute more.

There's something so empty in your voice.
Not a sadness, or a longing.
But rather your "something human"
Long since gone.

Something is missing,
Something is not quite right.
Is it a draft slipping in through your ribcage, whistling out through your teeth?
I can hear it snake by so easily, with all the hollow underneath.

You sit on long metal tables,
Each one colder than the last.
Doctors always asking where it hurts.
Do you ever feel tired of not having an answer?
Have you ever lifted up your shirt
And showed them what you can't say?
Or are you afraid they'd step back and gasp?
Because there's a disgusting gaping hole in you,
That no decent person could fill.

I was made to touch your lips. Of that I'm sure.

Whatever follows I'm not so sure about.
But I'll enjoy the tumble with you. The reckless abandonment that plays on your lips after the first jump forward is unforgettable.
While it lasts, I'll enjoy the drop down into the rabbit hole, where we watch days and months wrap around us.
I'm sure you'll figure out what's next when we reach the bottom. I'm sure. I'm sure...

But if you must go now and leave me hurdling through the dark, please... Let me trace your lips once more. Twice. Let me remember you well when I reach the bottom. I hope I figure out what to do. Before I meet the ground.

1:52, Saturday afternoon
Aunt and grandma chatting through sips of tea
About a poor couple, light perished so swiftly
Now-cold bodies riddled with ******.
I thought quietly to myself:
Did they die contently? In each other's arms?
Or did those arms instead grip
At the fading sensation of skin
Begging not to let go,
As the euphoria turned to pain
As death crept into their bones?

It's times like this, during thoughts of these,
When my mind leaves the room
And travels towards thoughts of us
And how if I had to die, I'd die in your arms
Or in bed, with our bodies almost touching,
Smiling at the lightning that dances in the spaces between us,
Can you feel it?

And at that moment of collapse
When my lungs stop rising
I'll draw in my last breath of you
That darling smell of yours, indescribable.
So I must ask,
Could that couple have possibly felt
What we can feel when we lay in the dark,
When I trace roadmaps onto your body,
When your warm breath paints words
Around the nape of my neck?

I don't know. I don't care.
It's easily just as deadly.
But there's nowhere I'd rather be
Than addicted to you
At 1:52
On a Saturday afternoon.

Put your trust in me?
I don't think so.
I'll leave you and you'll die alone.

Let's put this to bed
And put me to sleep
Before I get out of hand.
Let's put this to bed
Before you start to believe in
My fabricated sincerity.
I'll kick myself all the way home.

Please let me run away
Before I have to wipe the blood
From that exit wound.
Let me run far away
From the thud of your heart
Echoing through my chest.

This wasn't always me
It's not the way I was supposed to be.
I should have been more scared of the cold.

What's it feel like to be a monster?
How hard is it,
Trying to apologize when your own twisted teeth
choke you?
I wonder what you think about when you look
in the mirror.
I wonder.
How you even live in that skin,
it's a mystery.
You spend nights self-medicating
to deal with the fact,

But isn't that where it all started?