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 Aug 2020 manlin
Lilibet
It ******* ****** me off
When people say something
Mumble something
Whisper something
Speak OneLongWord,
And because of a hearing loss
I don’t quite hear,
And they respond with
“It doesn’t matter”.

It does ******* matter
I just didn’t hear
And need you to repeat it.
I need you to repeat the whole sentence
Not just the first part or the last part
The bit I’ve already heard.
Sometimes I’m just missing a key word that makes the whole sentence fall into place
But without it
Confusion
Misunderstanding
Wrong end of the stick.

Or they mumble under their breath
A hint of exasperation in their voice
Annoyed you’re interrupting their flow.
Don’t you think I’m frustrated and angry too?
Missing subtleties and nuances of what import say you

It’s Discriminatory
Disrespectful
And hearing-ist,
I can’t ******* help
That I’m deaf.

It leads to
Feelings of
Missing out
Losing out
Feeling dismissed
Discarded
Not important
Not valued
- The story of my life.....
Disassociated
Feeling on the periphery
Never quite fitting in
Never quite getting the joke
Laughing along
Pretending
But no ******* idea what’s going on.

When I ask you to repeat something
I mean just that
Patiently
Slowly  
Compassionately
With
Understanding,
And. in. individual. words. not. one
 Aug 2020 manlin
Constantine
bury me with my thoughts
leave me quietly in the cemetery to rest
for all eternity i will be silent

quietly i wait, for nothing to happen
it is all black now
quiet and peaceful
just like they said it would be.
 Aug 2020 manlin
I S A A C
Ran from me, the iridescent spark in me vanishing
From the cutting comments to the opposed shame, it was damaging
Made me second guess, thinking I was second best
Pretended I wasn't blessed, monumentally stressed
But when I got depressed they pressed me more
Only loves the hues of my deepest bruise
Pointed and poked until the bear came to
Bite the finger off the master, I am not longer a slave
To the concept of your society, nor to the silent law engraved
Within the mind of the empty
A fate I could never envy
If you don't want me to succeed; forget me
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