please, i'll beg you

don't go

don't leave me

don't throw me away

even if i tell you to

don't listen to me

I'm wrong

i need you

more then you know.

it has been weeks since we have spoken

but I'm just discovering that we're broken




you didn't listen to my cries

and planned my demise




said goodbye to me

locked the door, threw the key.




put me on a shelf

so I could forget about myself




and watch a baby with her innocence

while I commit my sins.




and you can watch in fear while

I go the mile




to be there for Lacey

they way you used to be there for me.

that night in the dewy grass is long gone

but i remember how the cold nipped at us

the wind pushed my hair in every direction

you held my cold hands in yours

you laughed with me at my lame jokes

and you kissed me

it wasn't the first time

but it was different

and i liked it.

but all it took was

one push,

a shove, really,

that made it all

come crashing

down. and when i found the strength to

push you,

you snapped.

we can play house all that you want
but things won't be that perfect
we can pretend to forget
but i can't
we can play nice
but we're angry
we could be in the same room
and i'd wonder where you'd rather be
you could kiss me
but i wonder who you'd rather be kissing
and i'll say goodbye
because there's nothing i'd rather do.

that night

when i pushed you back

and i got up

and walked away

crying

you ran up to me

mistaking my shaking

for being cold

and wrapped your jacket

around my shoulders

which made me cry harder

because i didn't understand

how you could hurt me

and then be so sweet.

laying in the cold wet grass

with you on top of me

whispering things i didn't want to hear

telling you to stop

and trying to push you away

and i started crying

it was the first time you saw me cry

and you just watched.

i have one last favor to ask

place a kiss upon her head

tell her i love her

give her a hug

read her a story

or two

or three

explain to her why i've gone away

tuck her into bed

whisper "sleep sweet" like you always do

close the door and leave her to wonder

why her aunty who loved her so much

no longer makes her mac and cheese

or tries to steal her chocolate milk

or plays in the yard with her

or reads three books before she goes to sleep

but of course she won't remember me

she won't remember the real me

just the me that you have

created in place of the me i am,




love,

your youngest sister.