I begged and pleaded
Bled the beats of my heart
Hoping that the butterfly
Would flutter on its way
But it didn't.

The winds were brutal
as wings flapped as usual;
I had hoped the butterfly
hadn't dropped.

My best friend said
'Don't worry it's just sick';
Coated herself in her
child-like bliss,
I replied to her with
'Ok. It's just sick'.

The teens were brutal
And she held the storms
With a broken umbrella
As usual.
She would tell me
'Sometimes humans are
alike butterflies;
We'd show our beauty
but silence our cries'.

After a while her words
just stopped,
The first day I walked
pass her house,
Knocked on the wooden
frame;
Hoping that I would see her
again,
but silence responded to my
door knock.
The door remained locked.

I was the only one allowed
to knock;
while others used the doorbell
I was the one she would always tell,
'Just knock the door-
it will be our thing'.
Soon after 'our thing'
became nothing.

The second day;
I walked pass her house
Knocked on the door
just hoping that
there'll be an answer,
that she'd dance
her way to the door
and responded.

Her parents went missing
for a while,
Held onto broken smiles
While painting permanent frowns
on smiling clowns.
I have seen things broken,
But their smile sat like
barbed wires along a patch
of empty land.
Their smiles were
the kind, not to keep sheep in
but to keep everything else out.

I came by the third day
Hoping to end my dismay,
I knocked on the door;
she did not answer the door,
And I fell to the porch
cried tears over how
I wished it all went back to before.

I did that for the remaining week;
Hoping that she'd open the door
But she wasn't six feet away from the door;
She'd remain to this day
Not one millimetre from my heart
and memory.

Sometimes humans are
alike butterflies;
We'd show our beauty
but silence our cries...

Her name was Lucy,
Folded paper planes
always chased pouring rains
just because she believed
that there's a rainbow awaiting.
She threw herself
into torrential turmoil,
ate apples that turned spoilt
because an apple a day
kept the doctors away.

She is now nineteen
and no matter how
many years it has been
she'd visit the same sights
visit the same scenes
waited for the storm
to clear up.

Her name was Lucy,
Folded paper planes,
threw them into the air
hoping that they'd reach space,
but she's come to realise
it's all a mistake.
Sometimes she waited for the storm
to end,
shelter and defend against the rain,
but sometimes,
she would question the rainbow;
and this brought upon more questions,
on whether angels were built
with halos
or whether angels merely bought them.

She told me once
'This isn't really living is it?
Chasing the pouring rain
hoping to find something
that will keep me sane.
Throwing paper planes
that fall to the ground
when the air is gone
and the two merely
washed away.'

Her name was Lucy,
Folded paper planes,
and she couldn't
ever understand
where her life was
supposed to begin.

So a reminder from me:
Fold your paper planes
let them soar
and keep them afloat,
because one day
they will guide you to
a rainbow.

What if my connection with God
Is nothing but just a facade?
Do I forget my prayers for help
Or do I learn to find answers myself?
I've made many different mistakes
And I hold myself for the blame.

God; maybe I can't be helped
But let's hide it between books
Volumes of volumes on a shelf
Just so I don't have to remember.

I let the greatest things go
Trying to chase the wrong things
I wonder if I can learn to forgive myself
When the inevitable bell rings.

I imagined your eyes
a million different times;
I remember seeing stars
within each and every stare
But now I can't recant the thought,
Universes may sometimes implode
The same way a hurting heart
keeps the heartbeats on hold;
And sometimes muffled long enough
You'll realise the screaming silence
is a sign that 'you no longer love'.
For some it is sadness, some it is joyous;
But for me, it is closure.

I imagined your eyes
a million different times;
and I'm glad I got to see
all that was stored behind
the blue sky you had for eyes.
Our chapter was never mine,
It had been yours all along
And with memories tarnished and gone,
I can only do so much as to say thank you.

I'm happy that she's happy
if I tell myself that long enough
maybe I'll be able to convince myself
till I am finally fit to say farewell.
I've lied to myself in millions of ways
just to keep the demons behind
as though blinded by lies kept me alive
I wanted all of what I tell myself to be true.

I'm happy that she's happy
because it is the only way I tell myself
that I'm allowed to finally move on
but history always proves me wrong
because I don't know how to let go of what's gone.

You left me
&
I told myself
I was fine with that.

...

As long as you are happy.

I have seen many walk by
And they all caried something I'll never have again
A smile
A genuine one

Is that too much to ask for?
Just one moment of pure joy
As if I was kissed by the lips of bliss herself?
Is that too much to have?

Perhaps it is
Maybe I should give up
Let my weeps go unheard
Let my sould wither away
Let my heart shrivel under life's grasp

Maybe I'm just cursed
To lurk in the dreams of the past
Just for a glimpse of hope

i thought i was over
the heart wrenching slew
of worry and doubt i put myself through
but then i go and do ,
what every girl does,
i like him again without a precedented cause,
and he talks and talks,
whines and whines
about who he likes
time after time,
but somewhere deep ,
dark and lost,
a spark of a flame has outrun the exaughst
and my body relapses and so does my brain,
negative thoughts leave a stain on my heart and my waist,
but make no mistake,
i suffer with tape over my face,
by now i know my place,
i’m not good enough to be his spark,
his flame that has not outrun the exaughst.