I am healing
Whether or not you believe it
I am becoming stronger
I swore it at the beginning of the year
But you doubted me
I am growing
My health is improving
My mind is easing
My body is strengthening
I am healing
And it is a beautiful process
Filled with pain and love
I am finally learning to love me
And as I said
It is beautiful

Your paper tears
falling
descending
dropping into open palms
improper
unfounded
fictitious weaving interconnected
as they dried and left a residue of
falsehoods
deceit
distortions of why they fell.
   
                              So I walked away and my tears were real...

She sees heaven in his eyes
He sees a hell in her heart
Too many times she's been hurt
and torn all apart
He sees her suffering
She sees that he's trying
But something inside her
Feels like she's dying
She knows it's worth fighting
He knows how much she's struggling
Struggling with pain versus time
Never knowing if she'll make it through
Like she's blind, walking a twisted path
He guides her towards the truth
She falls behind, she's just too tired
He turns around, sees her lying on the ground
Adrenaline kicks in
He has to carry her out of this place
A heavy load to bare, he struggles through
He takes the weight on his shoulders
Pain, sorrow and a lifetime of despair
Knowing she's his one saving grace
He pushes on until he sees the light up ahead
The final stretch, but he feels heaven on his side
Wondering if he'll make it after how much he's bled
And how much he's cried
The bright light awakens her
She holds on tight, crying tears of joy
With a kiss and a laugh they move on together
Cause love is something even hell can't destroy

I am not a book you can put down and pick up when you're up for it,
I am not the chorus of a song, I am the song in its entirety
I will  inspire to be a better person in the name of you,
I would choose to walk to the ends of the universe and pray not to fall,
only to have fallen into an abyss waiting for you,
only to have fallen so far in love with you.

I am like a rolling thunder constantly in movement,
I am human and my human heart is falling apart,
the alarms are ringing in my ears and my tears,
only feels the fear that my shivering hands feel.
I am human and my human heart is beating itself up for you.

I am not a book you can put down on a shelf to collect dust,
I am not the crumbs and crust at the end of what is left of a pizza,
nor am I a people pleaser, I am the embodiment of a raging storm
chose to conform to its environment because fighting a futile fight
is pointless.

I am not an owl awake in the night because I chose to stare at stars,
I am filled with scars that I am hoping the trail of a shooting star could fill,
the night ink drenched on a broken quill, the missing smile,
the living portrayal of denial and a hurting heart.

In my mind we are forever together, in my mind I am holding you,
sober news sounds better than drunk news, the world is safer
the later the hours turn and arm in arm, we are close.
I will always close my eyes and dream of that better life I painted,
even if it is tainted with the wet stains of streaming tears, I close my eyes
painting blue skies with a figure filled with dried eyes where cries
are silenced.
I am still painting, that Disney wedding embedding costumes into mind,
I might be blind but I'll still find my way to your arms, and each scar
is dissipating, the world is levitating on our shoulders
but it doesn't matter.

Please tell me I am still dreaming...because I would rather be dreaming
than imagining...

I am not a book you can put down and pick up when you want,
I am not a picture book with figures erased and faded ink, I am sinking...

I am not a book you can put down so ...please can you come pick me back up?