It's an ungodly hour.
And I've been kept awake.

The world beckons.
And it didn't call with melodious
chirps from the birds in the trees.
It wasn't the soft, calming pitter patter
of raindrops upon the window pane.


Thoughts...


Sneaky, almost sinister thoughts.

Like fine-grain sandpaper that gently rubs
against the quiet skin.
Like a fine-toothed comb that jabs
lightly and repeatedly into the scalp.
Like a tiny paper cut that is invisible
yet you know it's there.

Slowly abrading...
Poking...
Stinging...

Eating away at the thin veil
of silence and peace
that barely blankets my being.

•••

I am now awake.
And I have been awake...
Thinking, doubting and second guessing...
At this ungodly hour.

I don't plan to far
ahead anymore , I live
each day as it comes

To the hero that fell with a sword in his hand,
and at the doors of Valhalla he made his stand.
To the tigress mother who for her cubs she fell,
and at the pearly gates she rang the bell.
To the unsung heroes who stood their ground,
a toast to them and another round.

This ones to you oh bravest knight,
who met his ending with a heart of might,
though they don't know you or sing your fame,
I know you well I speak your name,
may the gods grant you all your heart desires,
and may your noble deeds never expire.

Though you fought great you fell with honor,
and to the afterlife you went as donor.
Know well your actions were not in vain,
and on the map of history you've left your stain.
Rest for now you courageous defender,
for while the fight lives on we shall never surrender.

Wide awake at night.
I hold the weight of a heavy heart.
Numb to my core.
I can't bare this anymore.
Pain with every breath.
With each passing moment.
The gapping wound that is my heart, just  longing for you.
Tears cant fall but sadness seeps out, every pore.
I cannot break this bond between me and you.
I am lost in this world without you.
Stumbling, falling, reaching for you.
What was I to do?
You turned your back on me.
You turned your back on love.
I lay in ruin, drowning in the memory of you...the memory of us.
Cut me open, take what's left of my heart.
Take it with you. I don't need it anymore.
It will always belong to you.


My impulsive decisions to end us... keep me in a prison of regret.

So I cut myself open. Forced reason into this barley beating heart. Then Sliced deeper as I signed the dotted line.
All, Because I could no longer stand it. I could no longer wait. For you to realize...

Me...
Love..
Friendship..
Passion..
Our Fire...

But,
You never came.
I waited..
Silently, each and every night.
As my heart hoped for an impossible dream.

But that is what happens when one is naive.
Reality struck like a landslide of truth ripping me from my precious hope filled dreams, and it was in this moment that I knew....

You'd never come for me...

A room full of people
but my eyes search for you

A sea of strangers
and yet you were the familiar one

A dance of past lovers
as I pulled your hand and waltz

An aisle of marriage
sadly I wasn't the bride

A reunion of acquaintances
Funny, I forgot who you are the moment I saw your ring