Sometimes I can never get enough
Looking for the comfiest bed and pillows that are fluffed
Enclosing me in a dream state
Executing all things no matter how big the weight
Preparing me for the next day that I await

I wish I could visit the days where I didn't have to hide til the day ends
The time where it was so easy to make friends
The time where there weren't all these trends
Why can't I just revisit that place again
I remember running around and playing in school
Way before it came a battle field where I was endangered in every duel
The time when you didn't have to swim with everyone else in the pool
I remember how great it was to act like a clown and be a fool
I remember the time when you had a sugar rush like a train in motion
The days where everything was pieced and there was no corrosion
The time when you dreamed of blowing up in society like an explosion
The time before people were objects that could cause an implosion
I remember when it was so easy to lie to my parents about being good
I remember not having to worry about life and being misunderstood
I remember being able to talk to her without standing stiff like plywood
It was all so clear, those beautiful days of my childhood

If it wasn't for the love from above I wouldn't have found my dove whom I'll always protect
We're closed on the same circuit feeling the static of the electricity as our hearts connect
We've had our ups and downs and I don't care what anyone says your flaws are what make you the person I love
You're the only reason I'm still able to walk on my feet I'm the foul ball that landed in the mitts of your glove
People always change in mysterious ways, but jinkies I'd rather sit back and solve all your mysteries
If anyone was to ever lay a hand on you I might go berserk and surgically strike back with a hundred different bistouries
People say its hopeless to think things will last forever but I believe anything will go far as long you have the ability to believe
We have so many obstacles lying ahead of us and when life decides to throw heavy blows we'll just bob and weave
We were just ordinary people with no sense of direction but we're learning and slowly growing
I'm glad that I've found you, No! There's no word that can express why I'm better off knowing
That I have someone that I can always protect, care for, look after, love and share every emotion
I'll be with you to the end with the love of my life standing behind me through thick and thin through all the drama and commotion
They say behind every great man stands a great woman and you're the one who takes that position in my life
With any enemy that heads in our direction you'll be the big machine and I'll be covering you from above, I'll be the snipe
I know that If I had taken that left turn I don't know where I would've been tonight
Nothing can change the way I feel about you and there's no one who can stop me from giving you my undivided love Mrs. Right

The emotions I once had turned invisible on me like a ghost
I never knew how to tell the on I loved the most
What power and energy was roaring on the inside of my heart
But she never took the key to allow something beautiful to start
I could imagine how my life would've changed if only she walked through that door
But sadly my heart was left with nothing but bruises and soars
I wish I had the courage to tell her that day
But now there's another romeo that takes her breath away
She was truly one in a million like that one flower you saw in the patch
I always thought of her as the one I found, someone compatible, the perfect match
I felt like cupid hit me with an arrow attached to a love potion
But she was like that one perfect rock that you had to let skip across the ocean
I dream of her day and night thinking about her in my future
Without her there's a hole in my heart and she could've been my medical suture
I do wish we could've spent our years growing old together
But sadly my fate is doomed to nothing more than disastrous weather
Although your feelings weren't the same you still made my days
I'll never forget you, The One That Got Away

Always ready to see what the next day holds
Believing no matter what today you stand big and bold
Closing my eyes and waking up to tomorrow
Doing anything to take away my sorrow
Everyday creates a new memory
Friday is my best remedy
Greeting everyone with a mornings melody
Holding the future in my hands will be my legacy
Introduced to who a whole new world
Jogging around the globe treating each day like a pearl
Keeping each memory stowed away in my heart
Losing time trying to get a head start
Morning creeps up in the blink of an eye
Night speeds up and flies right by
Opening the blinds to another sunrise
Periods of time walk pass leading up to my demise
Questioning how much time is left
Relentless towards second hand theft
Seconds turn to hours on a Sunday
Thursday fiercely approaches after Monday
Unknown to all, is their future
Veiling tomorrow like a suture
Wondering will my life span shorten or become longer
X rays tell me my life will expand and get stronger
Youth is where I shall remain til my old age
Zipping, no unzipping my future its about time I wrote a new page

That was only chapter one did I forget to mention that I wasn't done things just started to get fun so relax and sunbathe in the sun
Lets cut out all the hullabaloo *** now we're in chapter two its time to get buggin like fuu and turn you around until you get *******
You heard my story so lets stick around for his after party and try not to b so cardi or a playboi or else you could get this poetry in motion like a hardy
He thought he was the kid of karate til he got stuck doing a jazz pilate all because Santa said he was naughty since his mouth was like a *****
But he was fearless with no fear God fearing but things still weren't fair just like the maiden who left him broken stole his keys and left him looking for bus fare hoping for a miracle like "******* why won't you appear"
He held the wheel but couldn't steer with death giving him a death stare and he only had to climb up that one stair but why would anyone think or care about someone who had no flare
But lets take a look at reality but through the oculus and watch the apocalypse settle down in his mind where the monstrous demons from the unknown started to make him feel anonymous
He was in his prime like optimus but he kept running in a zig zag line the people thought he was nauseous and no matter how mich he tried to be cautious he couldn't make his destiny autonomous
He thought he could strike lightening like laxus and he tried to bolt tackle like pikachu but everyone just kept asking him "Are u-sain?"
All his efforts were in vain he wasted all his time behind scenes with no name his life was like a planetary devastation filled with pain and he didn't have an umbrella to walk through the rain
He was in love but got blue ticked, wanted to ride her waves and listen to her hearts acoustics, but learned he wasn't the only tooth picked and in the end still couldn't face the music
This is the end of the chapter and I thought I couldn't lose it, his hearts going through a punic and he can't save his documents because he lost the rubric so he started burning tulips and there was no cure for his state of mind he was incurable the opposite of therapeutic

You're the reason that all these emotions have awoken
And you're the only one that can fix this heart that was once broken
If you were a game I would have unlimited tokens
And anyone who messes with you will be shot with a haddoken
The love I feel is unexplainable and the beauty I see is unbelieveable
The dream that once drifted off became achievable
Now love doesn't have to seem unobtainable
Especially when its at my fingertips and always available
I wouldn't trade her for silver or gold
If I have to I'll shout how much I love her big and bold
Because she's my blanket whenever I'm feeling cold
And I just wanna live with her and grow old
Every second I'm away from her it feels like we're lightyears apart
Each time I feel the beat I can hear what's in her heart
We were childhood friends but now we're giving our lives a new start
Being with one another and blowing the roof off the charts
She's the only reason why my heart's no longer caged up buts its free
She's the only reason why the scales dropped off my eyes and I'm able to see
She's the one who opened me up and still holds the key
And that's why she's The Only One For Me

What do you see,
a child sitting in the dark
with no one to talk to.
Left alone in a place we call life.
Dressed in old rags,
judged on the outside
but happy as can be.
A child
who can no longer
keep the engine running
with just 2 months left.
Look further beyond the outside,
what do you find.
A child crying for help,
waiting for the hero of acceptance.
A child ready to leave
if help doesn't arrive.
But what if there is no help,
what do you see
a child who has brought tears
of sorrow to the eyes of many.

Listen, it's been so long that I've lost my ink
With no canvas to splatter my thoughts run amok
These words I exhale are like a faucet because I let my teeth sink
Into the rhythmic blues that were once confiscated when the past broke my future clock
So why'd I get confused?
My eyes were on an unbelievable prize or so I'd thought
I lost what made me feel amused
Now the ball's back in my court, there's no time to lay up when I could 360 this basketball like a good sport
But it's not because I made one shot
It's because I had one shot
But then my clock tick-tocked
Now I need a new wrist watch
Because my hourglass stopped and the small hand dropped off
Now I got myself caught up in the pain
Because this devastation must be planetary
Like how Kakashi won't be able to see Rinn-egan
So imagine Kurenai looking at Asuma in the cemetery
They often asked us
If a flower bloomed in a dark room would you trust it
But I still don't get what's all the fuss
Because they never told us if a thorn bush would kick the bucket
However that's a story for another episode
Or at least until I can find some new batteries for my remote
*** in all honesty I’m straying away from my code
But I’m still reaching for my dreams and no matter how hard they drift away they stay afloat
I can't complain because everyone hurts
Life was just another challenge
So I before I could be picked up I had to get knocked down first
Because I wasn't born with a silver spoon, for these tools I had to scavenge
I had one dream too many, nothing one cloud could hold
Thought I'd grow up to be a famous figure, you know somewhat iconic
So how is it possible such a shy kid made moves so big and bold
I wanted be a professional singer, dancer, footballer, and scientist but I found a muse in poetry, now isn't that ironic
I'd take a passion over money any day
I don't wanna be like one of those celebrity sell-outs
Because what you love and desire brings a bigger pay
I'd ring my Victree-bell and tell the story of how I was once a bellsprout
My ink and my canvas
Treasures I said I lost, not one but both
Til I went down the road to recovery, it made me feel so anxious
Then I realized with a pen and piece of paper anyone can write a poetic note
I was once a victim to society
My mind got penetrated by their voices
I suffered heavily from depression and anxiety
They broke my psyche so I started making the wrong choices
I plead innocent, it wasn't my fault
Yet I believed otherwise
They held the key to my dead bolt
My voice was too little and that was my greatest demise
That's just the carbon to the coke
So don't believe what stands before you
I'm standing asleep looking woke
A po guy seeing a panda do Kung fu
Dora taught me life's just another platform to go out and explore
Así mís amigos don't be afraid to reveal your poetic brilliance
Because I think I found the real me I've been looking for
It was lost til I caught it somewhere in the distance

Lost my savagery when you savagely killed a savage who acted so savvy
But couldn't manage being a manager managing a team full of degenerates
That were below average but couldn't use it to his advantage
He couldn't move like a cabbage in the patch and his eye was patched like patchy pirating spongebob off of nick
Left in a bit of a pickle pickled up in a jar and couldn't pick out the edges so he cropped himself out the pic
Later on the script got flipped his mind drifted out to sea with flipper and his lights dimmed out because Nosferatu was flipping the switch
He quickly got suited up like a quint and everyone thought he was quick to quit but since he couldn't see he'd just squint but it was too dark like a window tint
He took in too much oxygen so they doused the splint and gave him a mint but he couldn't take a hint that his breath should be put up for rent
He was I and I was he and nobody could beat the heat he'd surpass twelve inches and you couldn't walk in his feet that'd just be another challenge he could defeat
Before all that he tried to get them to sign a treaty but they didn't treat him nice so he played a game of trick or treat til they gave him something nice to eat
In the end he made amends started trending but skipped the trends, sent a friend request but ditched his friends and began to tie up loose ends
He ran out of ink so I finished the story of how I became glorious and victoriously found the glory adventured like Rick and Morty and now he's finally made his-story

Sweet flower standing tall and divine
Always standing where the sun shines
Surrounded by all your lovely petals
Always growing into a whole new level
But once the petals drop what is left
A poor little flower that has become quite bereft
The petals wither away and the flower left alone
So sad with nowhere else to call home
As seconds turn to minutes and minutes turn to hours
Time to say goodbye little lonely flower

I'm on mental lock after my mentality turned into mortal kombat
I was scorpion til I changed to sub-zero so stop playing with my thermostat
Can't be so hot and blazing like Chef Ramsey cooking with hell's fire
Then colder than ice like a snow storm going haywire
I lost my appetite sitting in standby as part of your perfomance
I got fire and ice around my heart and a giant hole so I feel hella dormant
You know I might as well cut this pity act out because I'm getting nowhere with these words
On God I'm really tired of my voice going unheard
This is a mental note I want you to take physically from me to you
So take the ******* invisible glasses off your face so you can hear one word or two
I'm locked away on my own private island not to escape but because I'm a prisoner
Yeah we're all human and a creation of God's but we're still natural born sinners
All sin is weighed the same still doesn't mean you can commit whatever crime you want
You committed the crime yet my poor excuse for a life is what death wanted to haunt
I'm physically, emotionally and mentally tired of this bs going on and enough is enough
Should've known It was all like Texas, I couldn't hold em so I never called your bluff
I'm spitting the blackness you instilled in my heart or should I say you added more fire to a dark and bitter flame
Just read the words being poured before I decide to blow out my cerebral membrane
Forget it you wouldn't understand anyway, you're only trying to be  a convict playing victim
A pity story is what you brought to the table end you still expect to believe that this is your dictum
I never thought this would be of reckoning for this path, didn't roses could turn into infectious weeds
I listened to my heart and tried to keep it all together thinking I was placing my faith in a mustard seed
Guess the jokes on me the devil most definitely is a liar guess he pulled all the stops on this one
Straight down from the bottom of your rugged feet up to the top of of hair placed in a bun
I had so many dreams yet I'm under enslavement to this game we shall speak of because I can't stop tossing and turning around in my sleep
Too many emotional scars and wounds and you don't have to guess because you know **** well that this one cut real deep
Depression and anger from hot to cold like sapphire and ruby
Their an inseparable pair some could call em a beastly beauty
But I never referred that to me that was an added line to make you think was a turning point where you'd see cherry blossoms
I got all these lego blocks falling apart from my heart when I only wanted to be AWESOME
Cut the bs out I didn't I'd be fighting Edward scissor hands with a piece of paper
I got so much my presents ****** like my past, I feel like the next Hello Neighbor
I'm getting ready to conclude to you what I feel burning within in my body and its not a desire to return
I feel like a newly born 9/11 disaster and now its only become none of your concern
Just lost and broken no words to be spoken I'm at a suicidal arcade trying to spend all my tokens
Getting ready to walk down the streets so once I say Sesame the doors'll be opened
You brutally murdered what little sanity and I'm on my way to an insane asylum
I can't excuse the pain you left behind beating me humdrum
I'm on my last limbs trying to send you a direct quote
Because I won't be the only one who has to pay after writing this Mental Note

You first lay your eyes on an aspiring beauty
With so many guys you know the race begins for this cutie
Your heart speeds up at the sound of her voice
But then you wonder is this the path of your choice
Your heart continues speeding without a limit
Wasting no time not even a single minute
Your heart finally lets out that jolt and you become excited
Now that she knows shes finally been invited
But your heart slows down once it cracks
The words from its engine you know you can never get back
You're close to the finish line just so little space
But you know you can never finish the race

Words I can't express, a pool of doubt and a hope that the water hasn't been tainted
One of those it's too good to be true moments that actually might be too good to be true
Thought I was walking down an unfamiliar lane getting closer to the goal lying at the end
But now I don't even know if that goal is even reachable anymore or if I'm just stuck in a loop I can't escape
It's ripping me apart by the seems and I don't think I have any elasticity left in my body to endure it any longer
It's about time I stopped pumping blood so I can flip the leaf over and stain it with a new colour
The human body isn't just some play thing, it has to be respected and their vital organs are to be kept sacred with respect
We weren't meant to play with one's strings like a guitar and keep the rouse up til they pop
But sadly that's the so called human nature we always preach about, doesn't seem like MJ's word got through to humanity
To be honest I don't know how to feel about this but the closest answers I can get are empty, taken for granted and misunderstood
Why must one **** two birds with one stone when there's a possibility two birds can **** one with no stones

My energy drains itself even though I'm solar powered
My smile shines brighter than the sun to cover up my darkest hours
I'm not depressed I'm just spaced out with all these planets in my orbit
I can see my future going nowhere for eons and my body floating through an endless timeline so morbid
So why am I still here? Thought by now I would've been deleted
I'm like Naruto when all of his chakra's been depleted
Only difference is I only have one source of energy
Eating away at all my hopes and dreams and memories
I think my existence has to do with one divine entity
Someone who's been watching over me before I came into the 21st century
And he's been a better friend than anyone's ever been to me
Even when I felt like I was the Judas Iscariot to his Jesus
Even when I was losing my faith and thought I was one of his least favorite believers
But who'd guess that there'd be a paradise beyond the clouds called heaven
Something I lived in almost fourteen years ago when I was seven
But not to mention, I'll be legal in less than a month in other places
Yet I've been holding this application and didn't sign up for any races
It's a little complicated but I'm no good with explanations
So I say good things come to those who wait and have patience
Just a daily thought nonetheless, a sermon who's message stays on repeat
It helped me build a foundation, a platform stronger than concrete
I was depleted one time too many now I'm no longer obsolete
I can hare my Energizer charge up now my energy will never deplete

To be honest I was stuck in the past holding on to emotions I could never express
I couldn't feel happy in a world with people that only made me depressed
At such a young age I was confused and had to deal with the stress
My mind was sealed after they made my heart go under cardiac arrest
To be honest I wanted to be like everyone else who could smile
I just wanted to give my face a rest for a little while
After putting on fake emotions and trying to get with the style
Because the road I traveled just seemed like too many miles
To be honest I thought I could care less about what they said
But in the end they left me paralyzed so I became brain dead
I had so many hopes and dreams waiting to come true but instead
My mic dropped and my strings popped and the ideas left my head
To be honest I was nothing more than a hopeless case, a lost cause
I longed for the day I could stand on a stage and hear the applause
I was always unheard like a track always put on pause
But it all started from one mistake of a clause
To be honest I couldn't cope with life anymore after shedding so many tears
I couldn't walk or think straight because I had so many fears
I just wanted to die quick and easy to relieve the pain of so many years
I had so many fumes blow out my head after they left so many unscrewed bolts up in my gears
To be honest I thought life was supposed to be nothing but a breeze
Until I had to leave so many doors locked and throw away all the keys
I could remember all the pain from being bullied and teased
But nowadays I just lay down and gaze upon the trees

I've finally been released, the chains have been broken
This heart has been mended, by the words that were spoken
I've been set free from my pain, now I live without depression
There's nothing pulling me down, now I can let go of my aggression
My spirit can live in peace, it's all thanks to God
I'm different, and I know it, I don't have to feel odd
This sense of calmness in my soul I have never felt before
God opened me up and gave me a new life from his drawer
Its not only me, we can all get rid of the stains
I've done my part its time for us to break every chain
You're all going to be inspirational bombs, and live with his kingdom
Its about time that we've gotten rid of the pain, had our own freedom

There are four queens

Ocean tides ebb as my moon drifts away
The sun stops shining before dawn when thunderclouds roll on like all dogs going to heaven even the stray
I'm trapped and caged like cell in hell by nightfall, I'm Goku riding the nimbus by day
I don't get paid for the hell that raised my downfall, and I'm not a superhero but I'm shooting sky high in the heavens no royal pain
I'm stuck in purgatory trying to get seven minutes in heaven
Like no weapon formed against me shall prosper then the devil steps in
My biggest fear is to see myself having dreams where I'm not peacefully restin'
But I'm destined, to keep myself from going six feet under so I plunder happiness without a question
When I close my eyes I see red seas on the left and white seas on the right
I see two planes but I don't know if I'm getting on the one that crashes or takes flight
It's like I'm awake but the bed bugs still bite while its shining bright in the daylight
I get enticed by my most recent worldly desires, but I'm trying to extinguish the fire before it ignites
You ever built a wooden building with no foundation but it managed to compete with concrete?
You ever been so down to earth you flew higher than you own creed?
It's like when I live backwards I only see evil, and when I look at how I lived back then I see the devil
So I rebel and rebuke for a revelation so I can stem up from the ground like I'm budding to see a petal
This battle turned me into Malcolm now that I'm stuck in the middle of defeat and victory
I see the Godly aspects physically and spiritually while the devil's mental attacks are nothing short of trickery
So where was I meant to be? Feeling the scorching heat or under his wing working in the industry
But I'm not feeling this chemistry, so is this the end of me? Am I another zombie following a false Deuteronomy
My mind became so apocalyptic just thinking about a picture so vivid
And my insidious beliefs might cause me to croak when I ribbit
One moment I'm ascending to heaven but a dark aura creeps up and sends me descending
I always heard the wide path was trending but why is this treacherous nightmare so never ending
With a body as skinny as mine you'd think I drove on a narrow path
But when you're not steering even your wheel won't align when you feel the wrath

Happiness is but a myth, watching smiles light a room what a wonderful gift
I said happiness is but a myth, watching smiles light a room what a wonderful gift
I said happiness is but a MYTH, now that I have your attention watch my lips closely
Emotional battles rage on in both my heart and mind "Do I live, do I die"
Yes you heard me correctly I didn't think my heart would be sitting here playing I spy
Because my little eyes don't have enough tears although I cry the atlantic
But then again I rather spill my own blood and take a ride along the titanic
I'm only human so why must I suffer such a curse of a life
But who said I had to suffer when I own a deadly kitchen knife
That way I wouldn't have to be seen or heard, left alone to the dead and become extinct
Just wait for it to happen I'll disappear as soon as you blink
I can't live like this anymore broken, shattered searching for a crescent moon to meet my face
Only thing is I got that crescent moon but its hanging on the dark side blind to the sun deep in outer space
I'm a waste of space an outcast like Pluto wanting to be a planet but ******* I can't manage
I can't keep opening up a black hole and a worm hole and still try to cover it up with the same bandage
Thought I was loved in the slightest when in reality I'm a loner putting his shadow amongst the physicals
Well those who actually have a body since I deteriorated a while ago and couldn't even be called mechanical
I'm getting colder by the second you'd think I was a corpse
Well you wouldn't think it since it may soon be a true story and I'm telling you this without any remorse
Basically I hate life nothing was in it for me except the usual daily depression
I call it my best friend a brother and sister and it gives me the greatest ****** expression
I think the best way to leave this horror film is with the Grim Reaper as my shouffer
There's no way you can save me now because death is Just A Little Closer

Dear love why must you mess with my heart
You never let me do anything now
You leave me in a confused state
Always angry always sad always happy
I really wish you would set me free
And give my heart the right direction
You keep sending me left
No matter how much i want to be right
You leave me sleepless at night
No matter how much I want to relax in my dreams
Will you ever leave me alone
Will you stop sending me doves
This is my request my dear love

Life, a continuous path that we walk on
As it goes faster more people are gone
We search endlessly for a meaning
It comes with pain sorrow and feeling
You ask what is life
It can't be solved by a knife
To live around confusion
Knocked down by all the intrusions
Life is a special case
Feels like running back to home base
It's more than a simple task
Yet you still ask
What is Life?

You know what I've got a message for the future to me, myself and wife
I know I....we've been through some ups and downs, hit so many lows but always got high
I'm your past but still gifted because I'm my present waiting to see our surprise nonetheless pleasant
But I trust your judgment because I know you chose right, fought the fight and got a full moon and not the crescent
This message is to show you how far you've come and what you've done
I'm the unfinished product and you're the aftermath of operation put down the gun
I'm proud of you, you finally found a beauty who could handle your inner beast
Going above and beyond like Luffy overseas you found your very own One Piece
But hold on for a bit, its about to time I spoke to my future wife so I can show her that all this ink wasn't just for nothing
I'm gonna show you that this holiday season wasn't only for cuffing
I'm praying for the day I get to meet you even though I can feel your energy nearby
I think it'll happen all of a sudden, when cupid drops down for a visit and surprises me with a drive by
So I might as well shoot my shot and hope you're the one this message goes to
Because I'm trying to become a petty thief like Aladdin and Apu
Only difference is my crime will make history, it'd make me an international Christmas thief
I'll steal you and your heart and afterwards I'll steal a kiss under the mistletoe right before I run off with you and the reef
I don't question my future self since I know he has the greatest and wouldn't settle for anything inferior
I could just picture it out now me and you buying our own house and decorating the interior
You'd be the only one clearing my conscience and cleaning my psyche
We'd be the shoulder for the other when things get rough and have deep discussions on a nightly
Cry with you through every struggle, tell you its going to be alright and hold you tightly
Have our disagreements and get into arguments where things get a little too feisty
But ****, I wish I could put myself in my future's footsteps now and experience all that first hand
I still think of it all as my personal fantasy, a miraculous kingdom and a luxurious life all for one man
Luckily you'll be living that dream while I'm working on making that my soon to be reality
So if I scare her a bit its because you know I'm unorthodox and she'll have to get to used to this abnormal activity
My world will collide with yours my soon to be future wife
Its like we're exchanging vows right now, holding hands in marriage and I'm making you mine for life
Now to finish off this message to my future self I hope you understand that you're holding a diamond in the rough
I don't want to say you should be spoiling her but one thing you should remember is enough could never be enough
I'm still here hoping you remember the words we always said hoping their fresh in your memory like a tic tac
Because you can never forget 'every minor setback is just another reason for a major comeback'
I can already imagine it, tearing off the wrapping paper and loosening the ribbon, getting what was on my wish list
I hope to see you inside because all I want is you for my gift this Christmas

It's been a while since you've seen my eccentric style before your eyes
I've been inactive for a bit but a few events made me realize
Why I'm here, to do what I love most and never lose hope on my dream
So I think I'll share my mysterious fear with such inspired minds and blow off some steam
I'm not the best with words and social awkwardness is my domain
I may look like a social butterfly but that's because people believe I'm always sane
I'm a gamer by heart and a poet nature
I rap a bit, have an inner Squidward and I'd think there's nothing greater
But to be honest that's why I think I'll never be great enough
I put on act, pretending I'm not bothered but at the end of the day I'm the only person I can't bluff
My poker face is strong, but I can see right through it
I look at my eyes only to see that they look flushed
I can't keep my hands straight knowing I'm not suited, I feel crushed
I watch my dreams slip away, I try to hold em' but it's almost not my call
So I fold my hands and drop my head in shame even though the blind is small
See my mysterious fear is that'll I'll never be good enough at anything
I try to play my best, write my best, perform my best but I keep spiraling
I peek at my best then I peak before success, just when I wanted more not less
I go all out, I brawl out, then descend because ***** Diana's giving me stress
Sometimes I don't know if I'm confident in my ability
I'm barely sure if this is where I'm meant to be
I underrate myself, that's the only reason I'm sold short
When things get too drastic I turn into Usopp, ready to abort
The mission because my intuition tells me that I'll never be great
This is my fate, I want to see what the future holds but I'll have to wait
Actions speak louder than words that's why now is the best time to work on my faith
I can't waste a single second not while my mental's in good shape
The weather is a bit cloudy and I live with this Ominous Winds, but tonight I escape
I put my trust in you my Lord, I promise this opportunity won't go to waste

I walk each day wondering what am I supposed to do
My life is but a mystery with no clues
I walk each day with no dreams to pursue
Yet my will is stronger than the bond of glue
I wonder what will happen will I meet someone new
Yet I stand alone, say to myself that's never true
You can open me like a bottle and pour out the wine you brew
Because no matter what i'll always do me and never you

In this life we move carelessly, we skip to our lou and move to the beat of a false melody
But I guess we forget that lucifer was in charge of the music in heaven, he who always tries to reroute our destiny
We have to watch what we put into our systems, remember to be careful of what we let our little ears hear
We have to remember we're meant to be God's humble servants so this is our lifestyle not just our career
On the radio we pay attention to artist of all sorts, we turn up to violence, *** and drugs
Yet we wonder why we're losing today's generation, to so many broken homes, city girls and potential thugs
I know we've been sent here on a mission, but we've been given the free will to follow
His word, His commandments, His teachings, His son, yet to most that's a hard pill to swallow
Everyone feels the need to be caught up with the times, losing themselves in social media and keeping up with the lives of these celebrities
Not realizing what they're subscribing to and making room for these foreign entities
When most see their idols do foolishness they follow suit as if it were scripture to a believer
But I grew up hearing, "If your friends jump off a cliff you gone jump too?" That's why I strive to be a leader
I choose to lead by example and follow God's word, that's how I live my life, that's where my heart will always remain
Because I remember that Jesus sat with sinners He didn't sin with them, and I won't let His death be in vain
That's why I broke free of those chains and you are all free to do the same
Pick up yourself and rebuke living in shame let go of all that pain
It's about time you made that change, stepped forward so you could claim
Salvation now that you've been saved, and your flesh has been slain
Just watch all the angels in heaven rejoice now that another soul has been gained
And don't be jealous when your siblings are blessed, join the Hallelujah train
See I find it funny when I hear some people's outrageous beliefs and how they want to be respected
They place their faith in the alignment of the stars, meditate with crystals and do all sorts practices God already rejected
And don't get me started on those who claim we're imposing our beliefs
They're trying to force us all to live as they do, they're nothing more than hypocrites, God's lost sheep
They're the same ones that He went out to get, but I guess His word didn't have any effect
And that doesn't mean we should give up hope, we still have to pursue them because God's not finished yet
If we can read about Saul switching to Paul after killing so many Christians then why lose faith?
It may not be easy being a Fisher of men, but every man can still be caught with their own special bait
We were never told this road was a breeze that's why we have so many trials and tribulations
God only gives the toughest of battles to His of toughest soldiers, that's why He chose us to make a difference in this nation!!!

Got a lot on my mind to write about, but all I could think about is my perfect person
I don't know if it's just me but I visualize her physical structure on a daily
Thinking about her charismatic personality, and the rest of her loveable persona's
She'd be a handful, but a handful all for one man
You know that one ride at the carnival you just don't want to find your way off
I guess its a little a too unhealthy how often I try to picture her
Even though I find myself smiling for a person I've never met especially since I don't know if she exist
But hey, sometimes you just gotta dream big, "Go BIG or go HOME"
Can't hurt now could it?
Well that's just what I thought but it brings too much emotions
Just the thought of her melts the ice around my chest
Until reality reminds me of all my failed attempts, ***** to be unwanted doesn't it
(Inserts fake laugh)
Guess Its just me, sorry if my thoughts became a bit anticlimactic
But that's just life, a sad one at that
We can't change the present only gift a gateway to the future
So though I fail a litte too often doesn't mean I should give up
And I don't wanna get left when she could be right there waiting at the alter
Plans to take me to that future are on the way
I got the blueprints I'm going to follow up until that day

Paint splatters, but it's all about what you see
For the beholder captures the beauty
Whether it be an inkblot, abstract, modern or more
Don't brush it off but find new ways to adore
The passion you live for, because we shouldn't let dreams go to waste
Every style should be accepted no matter how eccentric the taste
If you want to be like Mozart then go out and make more art
It can be on a canvas, musical or theatrical you just have to get the part
Even if you feel broken stay woke my dear sister or brother
Because even a broken crayon was still meant to colour
We were meant to see sunny days not let grey clouds hover
Over our skies, but regardless we're still colourful
If your art is photography then create some vivid images
Picture just what you want but always remember where your interest is
If your art is musical then move your voice to the melody
Rap or sing the two still sound better in harmony
Whatever your art is there's no reason to discriminate
We all just have to come together and appreciate
Talent and give credit where credit is due
Talent doesn't fade so don't let doubt control you

Lord I have so many days where I feel off balance
I look up to the sky and ask if you gave me any talent
I'm not spectacular and I don't stand out from the rest
So why is it each day I wake up to breathe another breath?
You've called on me so many times, but I lack the understanding
To realize and comprehend the power of this gift you were handing.....me
But I'm just a small vessel with a bit of a soft spoken voice
So out of these 7.5 billion people why did I have to be your choice
When it's time to speak up I feel like the early version of Moses
I stumble over my words, lose my train of thought and watch as my curtain closes
But you told me I had a purpose
I wasn't built to be the strongest, but you've blessed me with a strong will
You've given my life new meaning and sent me on a mission because I have duties to fulfill
And with these lessons you've instilled, in me
I promise to walk by faith, lose my sight and let you guide my feet
Down this narrow road where you've turned up the difficulty
Because the easy way out is the easiest way to get caught slipping by the enemy
So many people wanna drink, smoke, be promiscuous and more but I'd rather
Go to church on a Monday, Friday and Sunday because where there are 2 or 3 more will gather
So why is it so hard to step out our comfort zones
For the one and only God who brought to life some old dry bones
The God who restores our faith, helps us to put food on our plate
Blessed us in the heavenly realm, even with all the decisions we make
He called on us to be our brothers and sisters keeper
But how is it that we criticize their lives? Can we really call ourselves believers?
How can you see the splint in the eye of another and never see the tree in yours?
How are you condemning others, but walking in sin with your prayer life on pause?
We are to love one another as we love ourself, that's what Jesus taught
We are to uplift not tear down because there's only one judge in the court
I live my life with a transformed heart, body, mind and soul, with a new essence
Because I don't need no other body than the body of Christ that'll get me to heaven
Salvation isn't for the saved, but for those who need to enter God's lost and found
That's why we need to roam the streets and wage war against the devil before he leads more non-believers six feet into the ground
I'm a Soulja Boy in His army, so I crank that Gospel with the real Superman
Dragging all my brothers and sisters along the way so we can one day see the promised land
And when the devil and his cronies pull out all the stops on us to the point we feel overwhelmed
We gotta remember that our squad should trouble the throne for each other and body slam the devil in the spiritual realm
We have to fight the good fight of faith and free ourselves of this flesh
Because earthly possessions and God are 2 things that will never mesh
So I hold close to my heart this little scripture Matthew 16 & 26
Because I was so caught up in life, but I learned not to let any material things exist....
In my heart because my soul is worth more than silver or gold
And if I remain in Him I can watch all my blessings unfold
And If you think you need to have it all together, then you better believe that you're wrong
I can tell you about a few brothers in the bible that weren't always as headstrong
David was a murderer, Peter was a cusser, Thomas was a doubter
Paul was a Christian martyr, and I can go on but there's no more that I'd need to cover
And just how God works, in the most mysterious of ways
He sent His son to use so many sinners for His work even during His last days
This job isn't meant to be easy, and there'll always be trials and tribulations
But if you can get the point of this message you can hold your head up high and see the final destination
We're are all God's creations made in His likeness and image, His daughters and sons
Freed from sin because Jesus died on the cross so we wouldn't have to produce our own funds
And I'm hoping that for many of you this unlocks a new chapter in your life because in mine one has just begun
So all I'm asking of you now my dear brothers and sisters in Christ is for Each One to Reach One

I'm in a spiral, stuck in the darkness where the truth is untold
But I watch it all unfold with dark clouds and below a black hole
It's like my mind's constipated, clogged up and blocking my thoughts
I'm going insane, running through the dark and I'm lost
I thought I saw a white light but the darkness flash bombed my eyes
I think I'm stuck in the darkness but the white light is lurking outside
This place of nothingness and its  contagious and infecting my life
It's like a virus and I'm stuck in an endless dark night
But where's my dark knight? I need these skies to be illuminated
So I could no longer waste all this time I've accumulated
Searching for the white light at the end of the road
Because nightmares are supposed to end but I'm still dealing with this heavy load
I'm being consumed by the darkness as it slowly spreads
It's already absorbed every inch of light like deleted threads
It's already too hard to go on that's why I'm sorry to say
I'll never meet this problem so I'll just keep running away

Everybody's living in the fast life trying to afford a Lamborghini
But none of them know about sacrifice because these lambs be greedy
All of them wanna be speedy but their logic exceeds me
And I cannot fathom, just getting mental spasms, thinking of God saying "Look how they treat me"
They look for something easy and affordable so they spend their money on a Prius
And the vehicle is so important to them they can't even spend a second with Jesus
Getting so comfortable in their Toyota they toy over His word and its absurd that these are the same people who call themselves believers
And its grievous, because the whole world is going down the drain
Just shifting into the fifth gear and switching over to the widest lane
Ignoring all the stop signs, and running all the red lights like it was a videogame
Everyone is just so fast and furious with the need for speed with devil behind them in a hot pursuit yet no one's ashamed
See while everyone else drive's like their above everything like their on Saturn's rings I drive like a BMW
And that stands for a Blessed Man Working in faith because when you close your eyes and let Jesus take the wheel the devil can never trouble you
So can you even imagine that there's a Father who stopped you from going off course and Ramming into wall
A Father who helped you Dodge every obstacle, a Father who stands above all
A Father who decorated your interior and only ask for you to come forth and answer His call
A Father you overlooked and tossed aside yet He still picks you up even when you fall
See, we're too ungrateful to understand how privileged we are, but only realize when it's all gone
Do you want to be the Paul who was a slave to Christ or the Paul who crashed and couldn't carry on?
We ask everybody for directions, pull out the gps and forget that He never showed us wrong
God already laid out the track for us, but we freeze like Ice Cubes because we don't have the Hart to Ride Along
See I rather drive a Chrysler in this crisis to seek out the Christless
Now I didn't say ride in a sleigh to see if I'm on Santa's naughty or nice list
Because there's only one with undying love who presented me with the greatest gift
And no one can ever amount to my God who sugar coats nothing and keeps it all explicit
We were meant to love our brothers and sisters the same way we love ourselves right?
So why do we contemplate offering a ride even when our tanks are low? I thought we were supposed to walk by faith not by sight?
Of course we're going to experience a lot of bumps along the way and a few potholes amidst the asphalt
No one ever said this journey was easy, peasy or lemon squeezy, yet we still choose this road and when things get tough say it's God's fault
We move too fast, go past the speed limit, order a recipe for disaster without looking at the cons, and even swallow before we chew
We spend our last, even though we need gas and stuff our faces in sin just to make ourselves look the fool
We pile our plates up high thinking we can stomach everything and even try to consume the forbidden fruit
We need to watch our diets and what we allow to enter our bodies because our body's a temple more precious than a jewel
So many search for soul food others eat Little Caesar's
Not realizing that it was the romans who wanted Barabas over Jesus
And that conundrum was a two piece combo that was able to shake up the whole world
It was like watching the toters coming to the party and wrapping up all your food in ferl
This fast food has us all lost in the flesh all dying because of our fast livin
Eating from the Burger King when it's really the bread of life that has risen that we were given
To feast upon, because this Holy Communion was blood shed and a body broken for us all to live
He was able to feed the five thousand so we should have nothing short of our lives to give
This fast life will **** us all if we don't repent
Time spent feasting with the devil isn't time well spent

It's a new dawn a new day a time for couples to play
But sadly it doesn't interest me in the slightest I'd say
"I'm single as a pringle, ready to mingle and jingle"
I'm single without a twinkle of hope and this sensation doesn't make me tingle
I could never see the hype behind all these tears I have to wipe
For some reason oppression is my obsession even though she's not my type
I didn't ask to be the leader she followed while I wallowed
In my own sorrow wishing to skip tomorrow so I wouldn't have to be hollow
I unconsciously suppress my emotions to the point I'm surrounded by an ocean
So I space out like pluto and leave reality so I have no devotion
To anything of this earthly plain since every cycle's the same
Wake up, try to live, hit a rough patch and find something else to blame
For my downfalls, shortcomings and my misdeeds
My faith is like a broken harvest seed, it doesn't grow it recedes
And my dull experiences only tell me I don't have many needs
So why can't I win? Is it my sins, the darkness within,
My trauma, or internal drama that has my body like needles and pins
I'll keep my thoughts short and dig deeper next time
I'm not happy but I'll move on to make another dime

I'm tired of my insecurities even if I think they're gone they still reappear
I already have social anxiety and even though I beat most of my depression this still isn't fair
I'm not as confident as the other guys, I'm too shy to speak up
Even writing this poem right now is just a little too much
It's always hard to address what's on my mind but nobody really gets it
I have a really big fear of being left alone and a feeling that sometimes I may not be accepted
I love my friends, they make me feel at home, but I can't let them know everything I think about
I often feel if I open my mouth and let the truth come out my life will turn into a blackout
And don't let me get started on talking to a girl I like, that's almost dang near impossible
I can barely do it behind a screen and my speech turns into my eyesight when I'm wearing an eye patch and a monocle
I can see out one eye but I can never make out the image because of the next
Meaning I can prepare my words ahead of time but my mouth pins up like arms coming short on a T-Rex
This is just a sample of the issue I deal with though it is my greatest burden
But I hope to be like Arthur some day accepting advice from Merlin

Listen the beauty lies within your eyes
It's not a perspective or an image of your body size
But it's imperfection because no one's perfect
So don't listen to society it's not worth it
Doesn't matter who you are so "shake what to momma gave ya"
You were made in the Lord's eyes, our one and only savior
"Oh you're not a beyoncé" since when did beauty become a standard?
You're more than beautiful and you deserved to be pampered
By the right person because vision is a powerful thing
I can see right into your eyes and listen to your soul sing
What you can't see another will you just gotta be open
It takes time, only someone with patience can mend a heart that's been broken
People can be disgusting so don't let em make a circus of your surface
Life has a big price to pay that you didn't purchase so stop thinking your worthless and let's find your purpose
I want you to wake up every morning look in the mirror and say a mantra
"I'm beautiful just like everybody else" even if you're fairly odd like Cosmo and Wanda
Because abnormality is better than being average like everybody else
So try not to settle for less because you can never put a price on what's top shelf
It's about time you looked past yourself and present your gift to the future
You were meant to learn from your mistakes this scene was just another uncut blooper
By now you should've blossomed into an outstanding and stunning young lady
With confidence shining brighter than the sun and guys trying to shoot their shot like KD
Now you're learning to love your gorgeous self as you grow older
This is the year of 2020 vision, didn't I tell you beauty lies within The Eye Of the Beholder

I'm frustrated, it's a roller coaster of emotion
There's no notion for all this commotion
In the ocean of my heart, mind, body and soul
It's an explosion
But this feeling has me confused mentally misused
Lost like when Lenell Geter was wrongly accused
For a crime he didn't commit but the power was abused
But there shouldn't have been an excuse
Because I'm annoyed by the one I employed
To give me attention but not to mention how they destroyed
Me from the inside to see the outcome I wanted to avoid
So what happened to the once amazing beginning I enjoyed
It was all fun and games til they dethroned me
Saw my submissive side now like Mariah Carey I'm sad and lonely
Am I a homie, a crony or more than a friend getting played like Sony
But you know I'm only
20 soon to be 21
In a couple of months but I'm not having fun
I feel like the barrels loaded and your hands wrapped around the gun
Am I the predator or the prey, could you be the culprit or am I really just all in one?

Pierce my heart so I don't have to live to see tomorrow
I just want to enter an eternal dream state where nobody can follow
I'm on thin ice surviving on a soon to be flatlined lifeline
And if I could create a new timeline I'd walk out the sunshine and sit on the sideline
I'm stagnant or maybe that's what my mental's saying
It doesn't make sense to carry on because my positivity's decaying
No motivation for the future so why bother with gifting me the present
It might be a little unpleasant but I'll soon be evanescent
I'm not heaven sent or hell bound and mentally I'm not sound
So if tomorrow ever comes I'll be nowhere to be found
You'd think this was a joke but what if tomorrow I never woke
What if I became mute and never spoke
Better yet how'd I end up in this situation ready to send in a letter of resignation
Why do I want an endless vacation at my final destination
Guess the horror of living alone scares me more than the pleasure of dreaming forever
I'm just a puppet waiting to be used for the better
Only one thing on this earth would make opening my eyes worth while
Maybe I'd shut up sprinkle a bit of hope and advertise a faint smile
I want my head to feel the soft touch of a woman's chest
With my body gripped by hers while laying on her pillow like breast
But we can't all get we want, so that just about sums
What I think would happen If Tomorrow Comes

Often frustrated because I get so motivated
Ya know?
Just a little elated from these ideas illustrated in my mind but never orchestrated
I get so boisterous every time I see the lines combine to make greatness
Only to escape with this imaginary ideal I created called hope
Yeah hope, not the pope
Its not something I worship but something that gives me purpose
And I was dead set on bringing it to life but I keep getting nervous
Feeling worthless because I lost my visions behind the curtains
That's why I still dig beneath the surface of my epidermis
And this is all seriousness, no games, I left that clown act at the circus
I got aspirations that reside in my inner sanctum
Stronger than Larry Lobster though smaller than Plankton
A bit ancient not extinct, still living but on the brink
Of extinction!
Well I guess that's what makes them...
So great
The feeling of obtaining success that you'll never reach
One moment its within your grasp and the next it disappears
I wish that could happen to my fears
Like my desire to never be alone even when I'm home
The only place I lock myself away from the outside
The only place I have no law to abide by
The only place I'm never safe from a drive by
Of thoughts loaded in the gun and the magazine's clipped with rounds of oppression
Not depression though it feels like that's where its headin'
But I'm not stressin'
Over these typical life lessons because I know miracles always happen
I'm not a reverend but I still preach these gospels because one day I'll be a CHAMPION!