nat king cole
once told me
what love meant for him
in one of his songs

and for so long
i believed his words,
without knowing
how mistaken i was

he only taught me
how love felt
when it was as new
as a blooming flower

why would mr. cole
hide such an important thing
as the inevitable pain?

so here i am
to show you what love
really means:

"l" is for the way you lose yourself
in your lover's eyes
and, later,
how you lose your grin
when he goes away

"o" is for over,
beacause the end will come,
sooner or later

"v" is very very beautiful when it starts,
but very very sad when it is dead

and finally, "e" is even more scarier
when your realize
you fell for the one
who would somehow
break your heart

nathaniel, you were a big fat liar,
i don't care if you wanted to protect me
from the tragic thruth,
but i will always adore your song
almost as much as i adore the fool
who made me understand l.o.v.e

Please,
remember that the following things are okay,
specially
when you are not:

It is ok to spend the day
on your own

And it is okay
to cry your eyes out,
even if you don't understand
why all the tears come
from such little things

It is perfectly fine to
clear your mind and
forget the rest of the world

Because, sometimes,
the rest of the world
forgets you too

Although
it's sad to think that
he is also a part
of that world

Last month you were walking home
and you passed by a bus stop;
one had just arrived,
it was empty,
but you decided to ignore it

Until you remembered my lips,
my cold hands

After that time, you payed attention
to every single bus in town,
wondering if they could take you
someplace nearby my eyes
and my voice

Because you missed me,
you still do

And finally,
you bought yourself a ticket,
you couldn't wait to see me anymore;
you needed my kisses
and my arms,
almost as much as i did

As i do

You were ready to come,
but then I woke up,
realizing it was a simple dream

knowing you would never take
that empty bus

It seems like i won't be able
to tell you the truth,
so I'm writing a letter
that I'll never send...
Stupid, right?

I guess I'm just scared
of my own feelings;
and it's not even that bad,
but i worry about your response

I'm going to confess something
because, as i said,
you won't read this and,
if you don't know about it,
I can be sure
you'll never tell a soul

I've been giving too many hugs lately...
My friends and family are surprised,
but they just take it
as a sign of love

I wish they weren't wrong,
trust me, i do;
sadly, they are

I embrace everyone around me,
even more than i did before,
because I've been trying
to replace your arms,
though I discovered that
it can't be done

Nobody's hugs
will feel as cozy as yours
and the thing is,
I think it's only
because i don't want them to

Actually, i don't wanna be hugged,
looked at, or kissed
if I'm not hugged,
looked at and kissed
by you

The worst part is
that i miss you 24/7
and i can do nothing about it

How could i,
when i keep thinking about you
as the boy who's too good
to me?

So here's what I'm gonna do:
I can't say all of that
to you directly,
I'm an idiot and I'm afraid,
but if you ever read this,
I promise I won't deny
the fact that your name
is hidden behind
all these words

You don't know this yet,
but I'm gonna meet you
in a few days
and on the 13th of December
you'll let me be yours

My mother will hate you
for a couple of years,
but I'll leave the house
i grew up on
just to be next to you;
all the hard work and sleepless nights
will be worthwhile

Sixty months after that,
we're going to get married
on the 18th of June,
and our children will be happy,
i promise

I'm aware of all this stuff
because, twenty three years later,
I'm still in love with your laugh,
your jokes, your rants
and changing moods

I'll always be thankful
for that first conversation we had
eight thousand, three hundred
and seventy seven
days ago

What the hell is wrong with me?

I don't want to care,
I don't wanna feel like this anymore

I can't ask for your help
because i would have
to explain myself,
and that would make it
ten times worse

I should just stop speaking to you,
but you did nothing to hurt me;
I'm stupid and i overreact
because I'm insecure
and, on my mind,
there's no place for me
in your heart

But what if,
maybe,
I'm not wrong at all?

I should not be allowed
to have feelings
because they make me suffer
from the moment i wake up
until i go to sleep at 2 a.m

i get sad when i text you
(you're too far away)
and i miss you
when you're not talking to me,
it physically hurts

i wanna cry every time
i see pictures of the two of us together,
and when my friends ask me
how am I doing in love
i don't know what to say

how am I supposed to explain
that when you tell me to
dream about you as a joke,
i actually do?

maybe (probably)
you're sweet because it is
in your nature,
it's just the way you treat your friends,
but every compliment
that comes out of your mouth
means a lot to me

i crave the attention
(only if it's from you),
it's not normal
(at least for me)

i cannot (refuse to)
accept that