the feeling slowly creeps up my spine,
shocks my finger tips,
and edges into the inner workings of mind.

"try to distract yourself."
"you'll be okay."

i don't want words of wisdom,
i want the feeling of gut-wrenching relief,
that heinous piece of medal would give me.

all i'd have to do is sneak away,
and drag it across my flesh,
whilst thinking of all my inner and outer tormentors.

i'd finally have that feeling where everything stops,
and the only thing my mind would register is the pain.

you all say i'm better than that,
i'm worth more than my demons say.

but maybe i'm not,
maybe i'm perfectly content with not being okay.