I m sorry that we had to break up
i know you hate me, and i definitely deserve it. 
I know I was an *******. 
And I know we can't even be friends.

But the weight of the world
was crashing down 
on my shoulders
my cry for help was ignored

the guilt the guilt the guilt 
of a relationship
behind my father's back 
oh what he would've done
if he had found out. 

and what would my mother think?
what would she have done?
i could think of a few things. 
a few terrifying things. 

i deserve whatever you do.
i deserve all the pain and heartbreak
that i have caused you. 
the hurt that grips your heart and wont let go. 
the hurt that causes you to burn yourself.

I deserve it all.
I know you meant that simple "*******" 
it was all you could muster 
behind the hot, sticky tears.

i know you hate me.

i just hope you know
i hate myself equally as much
for what i did
and also for allowing myself to love in the first place.