1d
Trigger warning: the following piece goes into detail about SA, Mental Health issues, and bullying. Reader discretion is advised.
It happened very quickly,
You saw me as prey,
You made my life a misery for an entire week,
So much so, I thought about removing myself from this earth when it was happening.
You started with bullying, and I thought I could take it,
It got worse and worse, and I couldn’t stop it,
I thought it was bad, but little did I know what would make things worse.
You then exposed yourself and forced yourself upon me,
You did it repeatedly within the space of 10 minutes,
I pushed away and tried to run away.
Instead, you tried and tried again to break me,
Make me some subservient creature that will bend to your will.
Fast forward to the next day,
I am crying on the beach,
Like a Lana del Ray song.
The facilitator came and asked me what is the matter was, did I miss my mum? Are you ok?
Such a sweet voice, but the road to hell is littered with good intentions.
Of course I do, but this goes beyond that.
If she were here, this would not have happened.
You would have been beaten black and blue, and I would have never been scarred.
Your name and your lineage would have been expunged from this very plane of existence.
The next few months were awful,
Your defenders said I made it up,
Or that I wanted it to happen,
Or that I deserved it.
All you got was a two-day suspension, of which one day was a public holiday.
You got made a prefect!
You were this golden child who went through this horrible experience, a poor thing that had a bump in the road.
I was ridiculed and ostracised. My friends didn’t understand, and my bullies took full advantage of this.
I was the subject of ridicule and gossip,
I was treated like Cassandra,
Vilified like Medusa!
I had an agenda, and that I was slur that sounds like maggot,
Who, depending on who you ask either made it up, enticed you, or wanted this to happen for attention.
I was told that I was too sensitive by teachers who wanted to “toughen me up”,
My own father didn’t understand what I had gone through and only asked what happened 15 years later.
I felt truly on my own and still do.
I was an island being consumed by a Tsunami from a Hokusai print,
The wave was relentless and never-ending,
I was broken down and was told that I would always be like this.
Water filled with jagged rocks and broken branches repeatedly crashed into me,
Struggling to breathe and gasping for air,
Feeling solace in the deep, cold darkness that became my mind,
Wanting to build walls higher than Asgard’s and more impenetrable than Troy’s.
For years, I wondered if this was what made me the way I am,
Was it because of your violation of my personhood?
Was it because you knew something that I did not?
Was there something in me that was reflected in you, and you wanted to remove that part from yourself?
It’s 16 years later and I met a friend of a friend,
A lovely woman, who is there for one I hold dear,
We got to talking and shared stories. Turns out she knows you.
She told me how lovely you were and what a great person you were,
I told her the truth, and she was shocked.
Your girlfriend believes that I deserved it wholeheartedly because I was being “annoying” for not following instructions.
So which one is it, you didn’t do it or you did it to teach me a lesson?
Funny how the story has changed according to your narrative?
You looked at my LinkedIn profile, and I know where you work,
I also know about the hoax you pulled online to let everyone know that you were accepted into Imperial.
Maybe I am not the only one whose existence is a tempest.
Let’s be real, you have messed up my life.
I am not going to say that this made me a better person.
It did not give me character, nor did it show me how life is.
I am about to enter my third decade around the sun, and you sought to destroy me.
Yet, I am still here. Just to be clear, what you did was despicable, and you deserve to rot.
I will never let go of what you did and the lack of justice that came after.
I was vengeance personified, and I felt the spirit of Kali enter me,
Crushing your impact will be my life’s bane.
Thank god I am everything that little boy wanted and more, and be lucky that I don’t seek further retribution and only want peace instead.
It happened very quickly,
You saw me as prey,
You made my life a misery for an entire week,
So much so, I thought about removing myself from this earth when it was happening.
You started with bullying, and I thought I could take it,
It got worse and worse, and I couldn’t stop it,
I thought it was bad, but little did I know what would make things worse.
You then exposed yourself and forced yourself upon me,
You did it repeatedly within the space of 10 minutes,
I pushed away and tried to run away.
Instead, you tried and tried again to break me,
Make me some subservient creature that will bend to your will.
Fast forward to the next day,
I am crying on the beach,
Like a Lana del Ray song.
The facilitator came and asked me what is the matter was, did I miss my mum? Are you ok?
Such a sweet voice, but the road to hell is littered with good intentions.
Of course I do, but this goes beyond that.
If she were here, this would not have happened.
You would have been beaten black and blue, and I would have never been scarred.
Your name and your lineage would have been expunged from this very plane of existence.
The next few months were awful,
Your defenders said I made it up,
Or that I wanted it to happen,
Or that I deserved it.
All you got was a two-day suspension, of which one day was a public holiday.
You got made a prefect!
You were this golden child who went through this horrible experience, a poor thing that had a bump in the road.
I was ridiculed and ostracised. My friends didn’t understand, and my bullies took full advantage of this.
I was the subject of ridicule and gossip,
I was treated like Cassandra,
Vilified like Medusa!
I had an agenda, and that I was slur that sounds like maggot,
Who, depending on who you ask either made it up, enticed you, or wanted this to happen for attention.
I was told that I was too sensitive by teachers who wanted to “toughen me up”,
My own father didn’t understand what I had gone through and only asked what happened 15 years later.
I felt truly on my own and still do.
I was an island being consumed by a Tsunami from a Hokusai print,
The wave was relentless and never-ending,
I was broken down and was told that I would always be like this.
Water filled with jagged rocks and broken branches repeatedly crashed into me,
Struggling to breathe and gasping for air,
Feeling solace in the deep, cold darkness that became my mind,
Wanting to build walls higher than Asgard’s and more impenetrable than Troy’s.
For years, I wondered if this was what made me the way I am,
Was it because of your violation of my personhood?
Was it because you knew something that I did not?
Was there something in me that was reflected in you, and you wanted to remove that part from yourself?
It’s 16 years later and I met a friend of a friend,
A lovely woman, who is there for one I hold dear,
We got to talking and shared stories. Turns out she knows you.
She told me how lovely you were and what a great person you were,
I told her the truth, and she was shocked.
Your girlfriend believes that I deserved it wholeheartedly because I was being “annoying” for not following instructions.
So which one is it, you didn’t do it or you did it to teach me a lesson?
Funny how the story has changed according to your narrative?
You looked at my LinkedIn profile, and I know where you work,
I also know about the hoax you pulled online to let everyone know that you were accepted into Imperial.
Maybe I am not the only one whose existence is a tempest.
Let’s be real, you have messed up my life.
I am not going to say that this made me a better person.
It did not give me character, nor did it show me how life is.
I am about to enter my third decade around the sun, and you sought to destroy me.
Yet, I am still here. Just to be clear, what you did was despicable, and you deserve to rot.
I will never let go of what you did and the lack of justice that came after.
I was vengeance personified, and I felt the spirit of Kali enter me,
Crushing your impact will be my life’s bane.
Thank god I am everything that little boy wanted and more, and be lucky that I don’t seek further retribution and only want peace instead.
