always..
some embarrassing,
humiliating,
emotion
overwhelming me.

seeing
myself
in
someone
elses eyes
always
some wall
i am falling,
breaking into
some
boundary,
i am
pushing past.
some
pain
i am
withstanding
like being
in labor,
in childbirth,
birthing
out
my ego
over
and over
again
fighting
just
to be
at the top
to be amazing
to be
the best
the shame—
oh the shame,
so exhilarating.
the fact
that i
am a small,
cute,
sheltered,
nerd
a bomb
wanting to explode
to be
herself
that was
taken
away
so long ago
wanting to be me,
to say my name,
to voice
my opinions
i am
extremely
precautious
prepared
awkward,
weird,
sheltered.
anxi­ous
always
over analyzing,
overthinking,
over..
over everything!
but the beautiful thing
is that
i am me.
and i am
so finally willing
to feel
all of that
arousing shame
to be myself.

something
that i never
though
would feel
so good
in my entire life.