Excuse me, miss, can I pass? they shout,
While spilling opinions, inside and out.
Smile politely, nod, don’t bite,
They’ll lecture you on wrong and right.

Excuse me, miss, why wear that?
Or: “Are you eating? Careful, fat!”
Excuse me, miss, your voice is too loud,
Or: “Too quiet—blend with the crowd.”

Excuse me, miss, you should try this,
Or maybe that, because heaven forbid bliss.
Excuse me, miss, hurry up, slow down,
They critique your shoes, your hair, your frown.

Excuse me, miss, sit still, stand tall,
Do both, do neither, they’ll judge it all.
Excuse me, miss, laugh more, don’t tease,
Juggle it all, and do it with ease.

Excuse me, miss, just be yourself, they insist—
Oh wait, never mind… did I miss the twist?