I grew up being independent,
perks of being a middle child
seen as a black sheep
a disgrace to the family, problem-bearer but never the solution giver
whenever I share ideas, I was not heard
so, I grew up not sharing my ideas
even if I have because I got a fear that I might be rejected
later on, I realized that I just had to find the right circle where I am heard
where I feel like I mattered, my feelings were valid
I grew up thinking that even if I did my best, I am still not enough

I am tired of pleasing or asking them if I did a good job or not
If I did good or not, if I ******* up or not
still, whatever I do, even if the outcome is good
they said they are proud, but I cannot even see it
I felt in doubt. I felt hesitating to believe it.

but I was wrong,
God gave me a reason to look at the brighter side and not on the bad side
I am sorry if I come out as defensive or offensive,
If I did not want some scoldings but rather words of encouragement is what my soul yearns for
are they happy that I did things for them even if I failed to make them happy and satisfied?
maybe I am in the wrong household then,
and God gave me a reason to move out of my comfort zone
but to embrace the unknown even if things are awkward in this foreign land I am in now.

You are never "just right" or "not enough" in God's eyes, but rather you are "more than enough"

And let them talk. You have to walk away whenever you get the chance.