I'd never felt safe in the hospital.
It only made me feel worse.
When someone says, "You might need to go back to the hospital,"
I remember a sleepless night in a hospital bed,
watching boring movies on a little television,
cuddled up with my mom
in cold, thin blankets.
That only happened when I was twelve.

Residentials were no better.
While the staff were supposed to be watching me,
a sixteen year old was asking me,
"Have you lost your virginity yet?"
"What's the oldest you'd date?"
My parents told my therapist,
only for them to say,
"He's leaving tomorrow,
and he's not violent."
He told me he was violent,
but they probably just wanted to keep the beds full.

PHP and IOP is what felt best for me.
I made my best friends,
just like most of my friends,
which were made in treatment facilities.
It didn't necessarily make me better,
since I keep getting sent back to residentials,
but the people there helped me feel better at least temporarily.