oh i look alive sure
i should do
but i am a blur
of high and not being
sober
i refuse to exist sober
aerosol and ****
food is scarce
i never feel like eating
i want to curl up and cry
anytime, all the time
nothing matters
not me
not the ghost of him
not the ghost of all my sins
nothing matters but the up
smoking and huffing and cutting and crying
laughing and smiling like it does
when your watching them
knowing their watching you
destroying yourself