the feeling, itching feeling
lost, i have never been this lost
i have never felt the emptiness i feel in my heart,
all those times i would complain about busyness
knowing deep down, i craved it, needed it.

little did i know i would miss those late nights,
the nights where i would be too tired to pick up my phone,
the nights i would study all day and night, only to rise and do it all again,
the days i would neglect my procrastinating side
and focus all my attention on now, to finish it.

the early mornings i would spend running,
i have never felt the gist as i do in this moment
so deeply.

"opportunities are like sunrises. if you wait too long, you miss them."
– william arthur ward

but now the hours are vacant, stretching endlessly,
my hands reach for tasks that no longer exist,
and the silence becomes louder than any noise before.

i never thought i would mourn routine,
never thought the rush of time would one day
be the very thing i begged to return,
i never thought i would ache for exhaustion,
for the weight of days that left no room for thought.