One last big beautiful day together
Things breathing
As they close in on themselves and open into endless infinite expanse
A cacophonous brass
A sweet simple quiet
And my eyes on yours pools love from my belly to my forehead and casts it out into the vast world

Step in
Move forward
Go on go ahead
It’s okay it’s just change
Hold my hand for all of today

press fingers into impressions I wish would
Try to wrap sensory morsels of memory into shiny silver tokens
To unwrap tomorrow and the next day and the next
When the space between my fingers aches

My heart is soft and Buoyant in the heavy rain of my internal ocean
And I wiggle my toes in my shoes to remind myself that I am here, and this is real, and try my best to trust myself in the love and life I have
I have to
I have
To
give myself

The uncertainty of tomorrow is blinding
The anticipation of another clean-ish slate
The dread of my gaze on my gaze in the morning mirror
The language of cornea, pupil, iris, all exposing my grief

In the moments I’m alone washing my hands while you wait on the couch
I catch glimpses of my tomorrow
I have my pain to reckon with
And **** it if it’s binding
I step outside to soak you in

I breathe with deliberation
Inhaling as I crack open
Exhaling as I dissolve
And try to pull on the long tether
The most pure tether
anchored deep in the sandy bottom of my internal ocean
Anchored by the call of the sea bird taking flight from my belly
Where certainty of time and evolution lays beneath all things
I have to let you go

And gosh your jaw is open and alive and how I want it to stay mobile unlike the stillness of your fixed smile in my mind
A still, maybe of you at your best, but no longer dancing with time

And gosh, I love you
Beyond all time and space
And gosh, how change and time have a deal
that leaves me with space
Between my fingers