It didn’t hurt when you said goodbye
When you promised me light it didn’t count
Because you might have actually meant it
You had a reason to leave and that’s what matters
You would never, could never be a small part of the tunnel
The thing that hid me for so long
You’re the one good cop in a basket of rotten apples
You simply aren’t capable of such inhuman cruelty

You saved me when you flickered out
You listened and you read and you discussed with the group
And I was there, being stared at
It helped when you said next to nothing
You recorded so much about me that you really understood me
You know exactly who I am now
Exactly how I feel
Gills and stalks grew on my face
Right beyond you
But the silence was what made me grow
I needed a savior, not an advocate
I couldn’t speak because I wasn’t ready to
The time to finally say something is later, eventually, when it’s over

It won’t hurt when I tell you any of this
You’ll tell me it’s fine, that it doesn’t matter
You don’t own it, after all
We create histories to make ourselves feel better
You’ve been doing it to me for years
The water washes out every spot of wine
I never cried, never lost any weight or sleep or blood
Not a single bit
Not because of you
You’re good to me now
You would never, could never have hurt me like everyone else did