I must confess —
I reached the gates of heaven,
peeked inside,
and chose to turn back.

You weren’t there,
so it wasn’t worth it.

It’s not as if I hadn’t tried;
I know I was a good person.
But this surprise
I did not expect.

I didn’t want to make this public —
people wouldn’t understand.
How could I give up glory?
But you were more glorious.

I knew sooner or later
this would come to an end.
I hope you’re crying for me,
because I slit my wrists for you,
hoping to find myself
alive.