no seriously what’s the point
like they hand me this plastic bottle
full of “fix me”
and im supposed to believe
these tiny sugar dots are gonna save my life
like yay science thank you doctor man
you’ve officially cured my brain
…. except no
because i still wake up and the first thought is ugh
and i still go to bed and the last thought is ugh
and all the middle thoughts are worse

i swallow them anyway
every morning like a good little patient
smiling like yeah totally “getting better”
but it’s just
chalk and spit
and everyone keeps saying “just give it time”
like time isn’t the exact thing
that’s been killing me slowly this whole time

and it’s funny
because when i really needed them to work
when i was one inch away from not being here at all
they just sat in my stomach
doing absolutely nothing
lazy little magic beans
refusing to sprout
and i guess im still here
but not because of them
never because of them

maybe they’re just placebos
maybe everyone knows it but me
maybe they’re hoping ill stop talking about it
because my silence is easier to swallow
than the truth that
im still
not
okay