How could I escape all our secret places,
dark hours,
physical fights,
and emotional negligence?

How could I pass all our memories and
the people who have some of your features,
as if I’m searching for your smile,
gaze,
and redheaded handsomeness
through all the passersby?

How could I pray to God
not to keep me drowning in our days?

I’m not okay
I’m yearning to write
something perfectly precise
to show how much I endure this pain of
being apart from you

I miss calling you “Dad,”
“Husband,”
and all those words
I wish I could call you again.

What if you already found someone else and
forgot about me?
What if I was nothing to you?

I loved you through all this havoc that
tears me apart and chokes me with
hopeless thoughts.

How dare you,
after all our fights,
break the habit you always had
— speaking to me,
shouting and promising you’d never leave,
that you’d stay by my side forever?

Today, I’m alone
—without you,
without any hope.
Like a lost child who needs a hug,
unconditional love,
and a forever sanctuary.

I miss you like a dying soul
seeking refuge in life,
like an open ocean that
longs for closure.
Can’t you feel me?
You are my twin flame.
You should feel how much we were born
to be together.

I’m eating alone,
wandering alone,
and I’m not okay.

What kind of spell
could scar my memory so deeply
that it shuts you down forever?