one day it all made sense,

why my emotions felt like a rollercoaster,

why I could be feeling on top of the world one moment

and then rock bottom the next,



a disease of the mind, a flippant diagnosis,

something that I laughed off,

I couldn't be,

right?



'It's not true', I whispered as I hit enter,

'It can't be true', I said as I read more and more,

'No', I muttered as I felt dread thread its cold fingers along my scalp.



Up and down and up and down,

for the rest of my life,

not hormones,

not womanhood,



A disease.