I’ve always been number two even in utero. Baby B here,
I’d always hear
“Buy one get one free”
Was that my worth?
The “package deal”
“Free.99”
Extra?
Or
Nothing?
Is that what I’m worth?
I’m 25 and still terrified of life.
Forced to be in the shadows and people please; when inside I’m tired of fighting.
And that scares me,
But the fear of being too much of a burden weighs heavily in my heart like the ink and blood meeting in the skin creating signatures of the people who left me behind.
To the ones who gave up;
To the one who forgot or just never cared.
I guess I’ll always be the extra baggage.
Number 2,
Baby B.
Where’s Number 1?
They don’t have the extra baggage anymore.
They always make it work.
They make life look easy.
It’s hard being proud and jealous of the person you love the most.
That’s a hard pill to swallow.
Knowing they’d do fine without you.
It’s confusing cause they’ve never needed me to begin with so what changed?
Baby A will always be ok.
Baby B is the after thought.
Even to Baby B herself.
Baby A is the priority,
The golden child.
Baby B always just had to be fine with being number 2.
And that was that cause at least Baby A was happy.
Now Baby B remembers what it feels like to be alone.
Forgotten.
She’ll figure it out somehow,
Someday,
Alone.