that night,
i was brewing coffee in my favorite mug,
then began knitting another homemade scarf
while soft songs played in the background.

my mind began to wander—
is this the life i chose,
or one that was chosen for me?
this so-called unhealthy relationship...

i wondered:
is he thinking of me, smiling?
or wearing that same blank expression
he always gave
whenever we had another
boring conversation?

i began to ask myself:
have i wasted my time
on something i never truly liked?
have i wasted my years
on something i’ll always regret?

have i wasted my tears
on something i could never hold or reach?
or worse—
have i given up my soul and freedom
for something that never truly existed?

and yet,
i’m still sitting here
with my coffee,
knitting
another useless scarf
i’ll never wear.