i wish you meant it when you say you love me.
i know you think you do,
but you don’t.
because if you loved me,
you wouldn’t be leaving without saying goodnight.
i know you’re not asleep
because you always fall asleep early when i’m upset.
i get it.
i’m too much.
i’m only good
when i’m telling you how much i love you.

if you loved me
you would’ve said
“stop rereading your old poems,
they only hurt you.”
you would’ve said
“baby i love you
and i wish you didn’t feel like you have to cut yourself.”
and you’d mean it.
when i tell you that i want to anyway,
you’d say
“don’t.
but if you do, be safe.”
and i wouldn’t.
because you love me.
but you don’t.

if you loved me,
i’d feel it even when i’m sad.
even when you’re speechless.
and even when you’re upset with me
for being upset.
but i didn’t.
i felt like
i ruined everything.
and i felt like
you didn’t love me.
please come back to me.