There's something to being lost in the aching pain,
That won't leave your head; mouth; jaw...
And the stinging that tears at the legs,
Shame written in beautifully smeared strokes.

And finally I've come back to my senses,
Out of that overwhelming sorrowful hatred, terror and pain.
Am I myself again?
My mind is too bleary, eyes too weighted and heavy to tell.
I think its a new day-
But when everything starts to look the same,
I'm not sure if the fitful sleep that befell me ever really happened at all.

I want to leave myself alone.
Its too much always being stuck with this brain-
Nagging that doesn't stop,
Shame that wiggles and grows,
Guilt that bites down deep and can't get out.
"Not enough time"
Never enough for anything,
And yet so much wasted that could be used for everything.