Will it always be this way?
Feel this way?

Is this the universe trying to remind me of what I did?
What I lost?

I guess in the end it doesn’t really matter, right?

Doing something kind turned into whatever this feeling is.

I saw his name first.
Classic.
My body still reacted on instinct.
I had to remind myself that I was fine.
Not in danger.
I told myself that it shouldn’t stop me from contributing myself.
So I did.

Hours later I went to look again, see where the contributions had risen to.
Only to see another name.
Right above mine.
Another body reaction.

It seems we contributed at the exact same time.
Classic.

I’d be convinced that it was the universe torturing me if it wasn’t for the fact that you don’t deserve the same torture.

I spent my night reflecting on why my body seemed to react the same way to both names.

I shouldn’t be surprised, I think that was always the issue, right?

My body could never tell the difference, so my mind was confused.
Convinced feeling anything similar meant
RUN.

I know that’s not true.
I know what I lost.
I know what I must live with.
What I am living with
in my new life
across the country.

None of it matters anymore, I know.