I’d rather message you…
Instead I told my friend
about the decrease in red signage in this area.
I’d rather tell you…
instead I texted him
about the coffee shop eves-dropping
leading me to learn a bit of trivia
(fact-checking a statement overheard
I found it to be only half true).

I realized this morning
from a cordial text exchange
with a casual acquaintance
(Siri mixed his name up with my son’s so I apologized for the accidental call)
that his conversation was more engaged
than those with you.
I mourn that you, once counted close,
share less than my son’s classmate’s father.
I realized THIS
Is why I fear sending you these thoughts…
Perhaps it’s not really friendship you wish to hold?
but what is it you DO hope to retain?
Is it memory, possibility,
a thread of connection (never to be strengthened)?
All I know for certain—
this sinking disappointment
of friendship unrequited.

I wish you’d share
the heart-truths of you
as do the other friends I choose
to hold Close.